Sleeping Under the Stairs

13 Oct

“I am sleeping under the stairs cause you r a dickhead. If you think you can be a good housewife then do it. But don’t shit on me for lack of house work on a month I have more work than you … Fuck off”

This would be a direct copy of what I sent MYSELF last night, after too much wine, as I lay in my little nest under the stairs. Yes, in that space I transformed for my kids to play in, so they had a cool little hut and gettaway, but alas, which they hardly ever bloody use unless friends come around – who all think its super cool.

I guess you could call me a bit of a lazy housewife. Just a bit mind you. If you ask anyone that comes over they will probably say the house is kept well enough. But then they don’t look for shit like hub does. It’s not like he’s going out of his way but he does have very special selective horse blinker sight. He tends to view windows, and the genkan (main entrance –  which I tend not to give a rats ass about cause really the only people who stay longer than a minute in there are the Jehovah witness lady who used to sit on the step with Granny K, while the two of them got out their magnifying glasses and she explained random bits of a religion Granny K had no interest in but just couldn’t say no, and the old vestling dude from down the road who I think just likes looking at my tits – definitely has no interest in how the shoes are lined up anyway), and the bloody bathroom.

The bathroom isn’t a manking mess. It’s a Japanese wet room after all. It self cleans itself every fuckin day – by which I mean the kids hose it down and get soap everywhere, but I’m sure it wont be long before Japanese wet rooms really are self-cleaning. But fuck, the rail on the sliding door into the bathroom is perhaps a bit manking. I agree. Its one of those ten minute jobs us housewives know have to get done and which never get done because there are a mountain of more imminent and serious jobs that need doing – for the sake of family peace and well-being. Like cleaning pee off the toilet door, and scrubbing chalk pictures of poo off the front porch. They. Are. Just. More. Pressing.

In my book.

Hub has a completely different book and last night he opened it up and proceeded to tell me, directly, how if he was a housewife he would be so much better. I get it. He hates the washing pile on the couch, the fact Shou can’t find his spikes the day before soccer (also my fault of course), and the dirty manky door rail bit to the bathroom. But for the love of fucking god man, do I not think he’d be skiving off to pachinko and the boat races (his new thing) if he was a housewife?

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I tried to tell him that the first shit I do in my day is the normal shit that just has to be done. Ya know. Cleaning up after the kids, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, vacuuming, making sure we can eat, airing out the bedding, separating the garbage.. rah rah. I don’t particularly like cleaning the bathroom, although because it is a wet room I do clean it completely naked – which amuses hub. But really. If you have to wipe down the roof and the walls you may as well be naked. Besides, we have good water pressure so it can be an enjoyable task.

I told hub, after too much wine, that he could fuck off. I did agree that even I think watching the Mentalist and Grays Anatomy in the middle of the day is up there with bon-bon guzzling daytime soap watching lazy housewives BUT, he is not allowed to utter a word about housework during a month I have translation work that amounts to a 40 hour week. Nope, nah, shut it. Put a fuckin cork in it. Not having a bar of it.

Why I decided to make a nest of futons under the stairs is beyond me – perhaps I thought it would be a laugh if he woke up and couldn’t find me, thought I’d left kind of thing.

Ha ha.

I woke up about 1am, wondered where the fuck I was, and pulled my nest out to the altar room – the usual room of choice when one of us needs to try and prove just how fucked off we are with the other.  I think I must have txted myself so I would know why I was sleeping in between a fan, a book shelf and a desk loaded with lego, all enclosed in walls about 2m by 1m.

Quite a shame really, as yesterday morning started out with morning international relations – of which there have been very few lately – while the kids watched cartoons and played with lego downstairs.

And tonight? Hub is still convinced I know were Shou’s soccer spikes are. I don’t think I do, but then it did take me more than 24 hours to find the iPad after I ‘put it in a safe place’ after too much wine last week. But why would I hide his spikes? I haven’t seen them for weeks cause Shou hasn’t played a game for weeks.

Hub’s out when he is feeling like he is the only one capable of doing anything right – fuck it, why did I marry a B-gata (blood type). You’re all fucking selfish useless pricks.

To which I remind him that at least he has Ryu. Best the man start molding the boy to check for mold and dirt in the genkan now.



6 Responses to “Sleeping Under the Stairs”

  1. lalaland October 14, 2013 at 9:12 am #

    Haha I am always calling the ipad on icloud as i know it is in the house somewhere!! I bought a karcher steam cleaner when we got our house (chuko)and steamed cleaned the lot. I still use it as it is amazing but expensive 😦 It gets into all those anal housewifey places that I can’t be arsed to do normal as they take too long, dead quick with one of these babies! but not for your actual anus, please use a washlet. I bribe, err reward my 5 year old with aikatsu cards to do the genkan 🙂 If i do it i get to choose the TV. Again fuck the bath room just spray cleaner a bit and leave so it smells clean. Laundry softener in a spray bottle works wonders for curtains too.. I would like to say my Japanese housewifey mates can’t be arse either. One her husband does most the cooking and the other gets him to eat lunch and supper at the work canteen. You can’t have a show home, kids and work something has to give, and it is illegal to sell your kids 🙂

  2. Susan October 14, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

    Why is it I can only see one reply to this post, and all the replies from yesterday disappeared??? Is it me??

  3. Mr sekimachihato October 14, 2013 at 11:08 pm #

    Liking the new outlook; fresh feel to it.
    I think us “husbands” can all be a bit twatty at times when it comes to the state of the house.
    Our rail bit into the bathroom gets a bit gross every now and then and I don’t know why it just doesn’t get sprayed with a bit of kabi-killer.
    Then again if its that easy then why don’t I spray it?
    Lets not go down that road. Us husbands don’t like confrontation.

  4. SomedaysSarah October 15, 2013 at 2:25 am #

    I was going to say that my fiance has been amazingly patient with my lack of cleaning the bathroom, but then the other day he came home stinking of smoke after a work piss-up and I sent him straight to the shower. He jumped out almost immediately and (more than half-drunk) yelled out to tell me the bathroom needed cleaning and did I want him doing it. Turns out he normally showers before putting on his contacts in the morning and can’t see a damn thing and if he can’t see the grottiness it doesn’t exist.

    Too bad your hub doesn’t have glasses! (but if he thinks he is hard done by, you could always tell him that there are other foreigner women in Japan who make their Japanese partners do all the vacuming, wash the dishes, and even scrub the toilet on occasion!!)

    Good luck with the translation tunnel!

  5. Midori October 21, 2013 at 6:24 am #

    We are still paying our cleaner to come over every fortnight despite the fact that I am home full time at the moment. Mal knows I am crap at cleaning/tidying so doesn’t even bother making comment about my housewife-y skills/lack thereof, largely because he knows I will tell him to do it himself if it bothers him that much! Lol! As the brand new newborn haze lifts tho I am starting to do bits and pieces as I go along so I suspect the cleaner will be the next expense to be cut! (My choice, would rather spend the money on chocolate or new clothes…)

    The whole ‘housework is your domain even when you make as much money as I do’ mentality in Japan used to drive me bonkers!!!

  6. Kelly Azuma October 31, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    Does he clean the hand rail while you are away in NZ? Are all the clothes folded up and put away when you come home? If not, he really has to put a cork in it!

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