OK, Now THAT Fucked Me Off

2 Nov

I was going to post on Wednesday about how I saw Marina’s dance teacher at the supermarket and she made a point of coming up to me (after we had already exchanged pleasantries in front of the meat and dairy section) . She felt the inherent need, it would seem, to inform me that Marina wasn’t as silly and bubbly as she used to be when she first started dance and that perhaps something had changed at home? And could I please go back to how I was raising her because obviously I was doing something wrong now…. OK, so she used the word differently and not wrong but hey, six of one….

Dear Dance Teacher

I hope this letter finds you well and in good health and enjoying the changing color of the autumn leaves.

The reason Marina isn’t as bubbly and silly at dance as she was when she first started six months ago is not because her home circumstances have changed and I’m putting her in time out in a locked closet or anything. It is most probably because she has seen you not in good fetal and being quite vocal to the other girls about how useless they are. Perhaps she has started to realise that being silly and bubbly isn’t going to carry her through many more dance classes. She’s grown up a bit – which is a shame, because she is still only 6.



Marina’s Mum

But I didn’t post that on Wednesday – mainly because I felt bad that I did not respond in the way I thought I would have. I’ve seen her ball another mum out before and I was shocked – even more shocked when nobody stepped in (self included) and the mother just took it saying yes, yes, I totally agree, I am so sorry, I will change my ways almighty god.

Anyway, fast forward to today.

We have a separate schedule for all the recital practices over the last few weeks and for the next few weeks due to the four recitals we have/had. We don’t usually get a printed schedule because normal classes, are well, normal classes. For today it just had one thirty on the schedule. NORMALLY, the Jazz class is from 1:30 until 2:30 on a Saturday and then the Classical is from 2:30 until 4:00.

Marina and M-chan do not do Jazz. I was encouraged to take it but said no, it is an extra 3,000 yen per month and I wasn’t prepared to pay $100 for my 5-year-old to dance every month. M-chan’s mum felt the same. For the record, the dance company has posters around the city with ‘Hey, come and join – you can do Jazz for this much on these days and/or classical for this much on these days and/or hip hop for rah rah rah. ‘

The teacher has always known Marina and M-chan were in for the classical only – until at least April next year, and then we would think about spending more. This meant of course that Marina and M-chan didn’t do the Jazz-numbers in the BIG recital earlier in the year.

Today, I wasn’t sure if it was normal practice or recital practice so I emailed the teacher and she said ‘yes the Jazz class is happening BUT can Marina and M-chan come at half one anyway please’.

So we went at half one.

I am in translation hell (as you can tell 🙂 ), so I was down in the lobby with my computer trying to translate shit about auditing reports.  About an hour into things one of the older girls comes down stairs, goes to the loo, and on the way back stops and tells the other mum who is also working at the table I am at, that the Jazz teacher got Marina and M-chan to practice EVEN THOUGH their mums don’t pay for it AND THEN got her (the teacher stood behind her and whispered the names to her. WTF) to nominate the members for the routine – Marina and M-chan were both in the dance line up for the Jazz song – which Marina and M-chan would have loved. HOWEVER, she then told them that they could dance it but really their mums should be paying for Jazz classes and that if they didn’t it looked bad to the other mums.

I went what? R sensei said that? to Marina? But they aren’t even in Jazz????

I was fuckin wild. A very controlled wild. As soon as the child had dispersed upstairs the other mum asked me about it and I told her everything – that the teachers KNEW we weren’t in for the Jazz, and that every time we turn up at Jazz o’clock it’s because I get a separate email telling me to do so and that 99% of the time there is a meeting with the main teacher while the Jazz class goes on and while Marina and M-chan can’t join in (obviously, cause we don’t pay for Jazz) and then we are left to wait for the next hour until Classical starts. Turns out that on the one other occasion they were told to join in the Jazz class the other mums thought it was a bit shit because we weren’t paying for it and they were. Fair enough. This is not a gripe about the other mothers but I was glad I had the chance to tell this other mother how it has been from our side. We haven’t been taking our kids at half one in the hope we could steal a free fuckin jazz class.

SO anyway, as I said, I was downstairs while all this happened and M-chans mum has preggy brain and didn’t even really click so she said nothing.

The other mum down stairs with me said ‘I guess R-sensei will talk to you after class’ to which I said she could fuck off, she wasn’t using my child to bully me into paying for Jazz classes when I have told them from the fuckin beginning I wont think about it until Marina is at least first grade. She looked somewhat surprised by my reaction.

I then emailed M-chan’s mum (who yes, was just upstairs) and asked if she could bring Marina home. She said yes. I ran away. I was worried that I would either go completely shithouse at the dance teacher OR not say what I wanted to. So I left.

And I met M-chan’s mum at the kinder when we picked up the little ones. I asked her about the Jazz class and she said yes, R-sensei had said, in front of the other mums, that it would be kinda stink if we didn’t pay for jazz classes – especially now the girls had been CHOSEN for a jazz dance. I told her that, as a teacher myself, I didn’t accept this kind of bollocks and that I was going to tell the teacher, in front of the other mums, that she could remove Marina from the Jazz routine. I don’t wont to email her and have her say ‘but we want Marina in the routine so don’t worry, this time you dont have to pay’ – and then the other mums just think I’m milking shit when in fact I’m being bullied, via my child, to pay shit I didn’t want to pay in the first place.


I am oozing hatred and on the way home tonight I planted the hip hop seed in Marina (again) – only this time she was a tad more receptive.

Hu FUCKIN rah.

Damn, I also told the other mum (read as  ‘in the crowd’ mum whose daughter does Jazz, Classical and Hip hop like all the rest of them bar Marina and M-chan – but she is nice to be honest) that you couldn’t talk about bloody money with the head sensei cause she just did her speal about ‘kansha no kimochi’ – being thankful for having the opportunity to offer child dance lessons in such remote middle of fuckin nowhere for such superbly low price compared to big city.

Am giving that the big double fingers too.

End rant.



14 Responses to “OK, Now THAT Fucked Me Off”

  1. chrysanthemummum November 2, 2013 at 11:58 am #

    This is what I hate about teachers in this country – they try to override parental authority. You have said NO to Jazz lessons and then the teacher tries to,make it look like you are not only after a few free lessons (alienate you against the paying mums) and then tell you that she is in a fucking recital now so you have to pay. I think I’ve read it properly – but I am so mad on your behalf I may have misinterpreted events! You have every right to be mad.

    This sounds so similar to James’ English teacher explaining to me (in a footnote added to the regular newsletter in handwriting in English) that even if you don’t take part in the annual speech performance, you still have to pay for the privilege. It takes place two months AFTER we have left Japan for good. She knows our plans yet still sends this tailor made news letter to me!

    • gaijinwife November 2, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

      you have read that exactly right. And have said it a lot better than I have. I am SOOOOO fuckin annoyed and have subsequently made M-chan’s mum very annoyed as well as hub – whose solution is to just not let Marina go to any more dance ever ever. He doesn’t get that a) she has to do this four lots of recitals and b) I will cherrish telling the teacher that ‘today’ (or whatever day) is her last day of dance and from next week she will just be doing hip hop. suck that bitch. You just lost money. Well, in reality she owns the hip hop teacher too BUT stop pushing everybody into doing all fuckin three.

  2. Elly November 2, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

    FUCK. FUCK. what a fucking crazy power-crazed fucker!

    • gaijinwife November 2, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

      LOVE this – Exactly Elly. Although I don’t think she does it knowingly. Its very frustrating. M-chans mum asked me what I was going to do and I said, its a no brainer, I will take Marina out of the Jazz routine – it was as if a lightbulb went off – as if going against the grain hadn’t occurred to her before then. LOL – this is surely what the the JET Program meant when it said Grass Roots Internaitionalization – thats what I’m doing 🙂

      • chrysanthemummum November 2, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

        Oh, she does it knowingly… because nobody has ever challenged her and reminded her that she doesn’t actually have the authority to decide how many dance lessons each child needs… until now… You are the one paying, you are the one who makes this decision.

  3. Denise November 2, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Katy…. deep breaths….relax….let all the stress fall away…better? Now think exactly what you are going to say to that crazy bitch next time you see her….please do it in front of all the other mums so they know how you have been treated. Her behaviour is so far out of line she doesn’t deserve anything else….and if you said anything to her in private God only knows what version of events she would spread. How dare she try to manipulate you …and M-chans Mum ….mean thing to do to the girls too. Sad too that the deluded cow has sucked all the fun and enjoyment out of ballet for Marina …and then she has the fucking cheek to suggest some home drama must be the reason for the lack of joy even she can see in her pupil! Stupid woman. The sooner Marina has nothing to do with her the better.

    • gaijinwife November 2, 2013 at 2:28 pm #

      Denise, you have just echoed my husband – meaning that in a good way – although he thought I shouldn’t say it in front of the other mums. Fuck that. They HAVE to hear. It appears they already thought we were trying to get a free lesson here and there.

      I just hope I can follow through. i have THE BEST little speeches in Japanese all worked out in my head – its just a matter of not being too chicken shit to say them 🙂

      • SomedaysSarah November 3, 2013 at 7:24 am #

        Oh PLEASE do it in front of the other mums! Please!! I bet you’d send off a whole lot of light bulbs in other minds. Other mums who have been in the same situation and either not realized it or not had the balls to say anything!

        You could start a ballet revolution! 😉

  4. Oyomesan November 2, 2013 at 9:21 pm #

    Please give Marina a video camera and get this on tape and upload it for all of us to enjoy – = wanna see you and the Dance Monster get to it!!! Awful awful power crazy woman. Her, not you 🙂

  5. PJ November 4, 2013 at 6:20 am #

    gaijin wife youve gotta tell that control freak where to go. i know keeping the 和 etc is important esp as we live here but seriously. youve made it clear… i think youd be right telling her straight up (in a calm voice, lol) in front of the other mums that you only want marina in ballet and to just be forceful about it.

  6. Adam W November 5, 2013 at 4:06 am #

    Holy shit! That dance teacher is a goddamn trip!

  7. Merry November 5, 2013 at 4:45 am #

    Umm, wow. I admire you for not pulling your daughter from the class immediately. I feel like that’s what I’d’ve done.
    “See? Now you get NO money!”

  8. M November 5, 2013 at 6:25 am #

    Wow, that’s some fucked up shit! I echo one of the above comments that I admire you for not pulling her from the class right away. This is the kind of manipulative stuff you see in Japanese dramas . . .
    Although I get told that I should tow the line and just do things the Japanese way by my in-laws, I think even they would totally tell that teacher off (in the politest yet at the same time rudest Japanese, of course). I would probably also make a comment to the teacher alone that if my daughter changed it was because of her “spartan” style of teaching and not because of my parenting style. That comment of hers infuriates me, and it didn’t even happen to me!
    Practicing your speech (or at least writing down the main points you want to get across) might be helpful in making sure you say everything you want to. I know I have to do that if I want to make sure I say what I’ve meant to.
    Oh, and being an ex-CIR myself, I practically died laughing with the about the grass roots internationalization comment 😀

  9. meowies November 5, 2013 at 9:17 am #

    Happy to find your blog again! It’s unbelievable what the teacher is doing… you certainly have every right to be upset. Just reading about all the craziness makes me worry I’d never be able to put up with it if I ever encounter crazies like that in Tokyo when I have kids and they start lessons!

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