Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How

9 Nov

Marina is obviously in a ‘5W1H’ phase. Like, starting today. We had twenty minutes in the car on the way to dance and some, like just a sprinkling, of the conversations we had were:

  • Marina: Muuuuuuuuum
  • GW: Yes, darling,
  • Marina: Where did the earth come from?
  • GW: (jeeze darling, don’t warm mummy into this or anything, just come straight out with the big guns) What do you mean?
  • Marina: What’s under the trees?
  • GW:  (thank god) dirt darling.
  • Marina: Whats under the dirt?
  • GW: rock darling
  • Marina: whats under the rock?
  • GW: more really hard rock.
  • Marina: Whats under that?
  • GW: more really really hard rock and maybe some smelly gas or shit or something.
  • Marina: like poo?
  • GW: no, I shouldn’t have said shit. Under the hard rock is more hard rock and then more until you get to the middle of the earth which is like bloody steel. Would you like some juice (shut the fuck up)?
  • Marina: yes please.

40 seconds later…

  • Marina: Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum
  • GW: yes, darling.
  • Marina: Where do trees come from?
  • GW: seeds darling.
  • Marina: but how do the seeds get there?
  • GW: the big trees get big and then they drop seeds which are so light that the wind takes them away and they grow big somewhere else.
  • Marina: so they go away from the mummy tree?
  • GW: well, some of them don’t get blown in the wind and look, see – all those trees over there are the same (avoid granny on moped going 25 km an hour with both her feet practically on the ground). Those trees all stayed with their mummy. Here darling, have a piece of gum.

40 seconds later…

  • Marina: Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum
  • GW: YES, DARLING (cause remember these are just a few – I’ve also been asked about the birth of concrete, and then concrete mixers, flowers, air and boats)
  • Marina: Where do people come from?
  • GW: (fuck, fuck, fuck. How did we go from boats to people) What do you mean darling? (wanting to know if she wanted the earth creation big bang theory or the six-year-old version of ‘where babies come from’.
  • Marina: Like, um, are all babies made in mum’s tummy?
  • GW: not just my tummy, but the tummies of mummies around the world, yes.
  • Marina: But how does the baby get inside your tummy?
  • GW: (For the love of bloody god – why couldn’t we just happen across two tanuki shagging on the side of the road like with Shou) Well, mummy and daddy get married and daddy gives mummy a present for her egg. Mummies have lots of little eggs and when they receive the present the egg can turn into a cute little baby.
  • Marina: but what’s the present?
  • GW: (fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck) its kind of a magic potion that you get when you get married (in our house, ever since Shou said ‘hey, look mummy , two raccoons are getting married on the side of the road’  – getting married = shag or more specifically make babies) helps turn the egg into a baby. (crosses fingers this is sufficient explanation for the time being)
  • Marina: the baby comes out your fanny aye? it hurts aye?
  • GW: Not really darling. It’s a great experience. Daddy cried when you came out he was so happy to see you.
  • Marina: I came out the fastest aye?
  • GW: Yes darling, you did. (well, I swore the least and it was only 5 hours as opposed to seven and eight -which yeah, yeah, I know, very easy in the scheme of birthing things but hey, shoot me, I have efficient saloon doors).
  • Marina: I think it will hurt, and I don’t want to have babies.
  • GW: Nobody says you have to have babies.
  • Marina: But I want to get married and be a mummy … (starts crying)
  • GW: darling, darling, darling, girls are strong, you can do it.
  • Marina: But its a big baby coming out my fanny?
  • GW: Bleh, you can always have drugs to make it not hurt.
  • Marina: Oh, that s good.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I was so meant to hone in on my natural parenting self and convince her to find a tree and give birth under a full moon or something.. ah well. We do what we can don’t we? I tried.

As for the dance part of today, I spent SIX fuckin hours out for dance so Marina coud dance THREE minutes on a stage in front of ten vestlings…

As everyone was convening in the car park the sensei came up to me and slipped an envelope with 2000 yen into my bag – saying that we were ‘officially’ going from being in the classical ballet class to being in the jazz class from this month and seeing as I had already paid for the month in advance she was refunding the 2000 yen. BUT, Marina still needs to go to the Wednesday classes this month cause they are practice for the recitals… but from next month Wednesday classes are – no more, nada. wahoooooooooooooooo. She also said that she didn’t like coveted talks ‘in the shade’ – we would say down an alleyway away from everyone else – and therefore she thought it was a good idea for her to just tell all the other mums together. Huuuu FUCKIN Rahhhhhhhhhhh.

She didn’t do it today – well, not to my knowledge at least!!

Another full day of kinder dancing and then sensei dancing – if the rain holds off.




7 Responses to “Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How”

  1. inesusan November 9, 2013 at 11:15 am #

    that made me giggle ;). I could bring haru or kiyo over to explain the baby question. i had that while i was pregnant with hanna. well i was in alot of trouble with the kinder afterwards because they gave a speach to the other children about how the baby came into kaasans belly lol

    • gaijinwife November 10, 2013 at 7:42 am #

      haha – awesome. I can’t believe that put on the spot all i could come out with was bloody magic potion as a present for mummy’s egg. Jeeze.

  2. Tash November 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

    Hehe, Marina sounds just like Lucy. I’ve had the ‘where did the Earth come from’ question too, and I think I told you we had to have ‘the’ talk, she just kept on asking how the baby gets into the mummy’s tummy and eventually I had no option but to answer. She took it surprisingly well 🙂 Curiosity is a sign of intelligence I think, so I’ll take it to be a good thing! 🙂

    • gaijinwife November 10, 2013 at 7:43 am #

      I hope so! It came out of nowhere and it was a barage of questions for twenty minutes straight – about everything we passed, and obvioulsy, a bit more!

  3. Merry November 10, 2013 at 12:09 am #

    My oldest asked where babies come from when I was on a very important phone call. The lady on the other end asked, “Did he just say what I think he said?!” and then dissolved into a fit of giggles. Sigh…

    • gaijinwife November 10, 2013 at 7:44 am #

      haha – probablay made her day 🙂

  4. lalaland November 10, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    i had to explain the whole period thing. It didn’t help that her friend had a bladder infection so had to explain that as well.

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