So Sensei isn’t Sick

23 Nov

I’m really at a bit of a loss for words.

OK, so that’s not really true, but for fucks sake sensei. I pick the kids up from school, come home, realise I have only got one egg so make Ryu and Marina their okonomiyaki and tell Shou I’ll have to get him something on the way to hip hop. I am running round getting things sorted so I can leave in time to drop the DVDs off and make it back in time for the start of hip hop and of course the almighty meeting of great proportions to which we have all been summonsed.

Chairs are dragged into a big circle of supposedly harmonious ‘wa’. M-chan and the dance PTA head (the only father really involved in dance) don’t arrive on time and you can see sensei looking at her phone and telling her daughter that ‘she even rang M-chan’s mum the previous night to make sure she came’. M-chan’s mum arrives about two minutes and 24 seconds after the meeting has officially started. I try to catch her eye cause it is now apparent that sensei woke the 36 week pregnant woman up at 10 pm last night to tell her she had to be here, at this all important meeting about the FUCKIN BONENKAI – which she wont even be able to attend cause she’ll have a new born.

Apparently on Wednesday after class the teacher got all the mums together – I was in that highly entertaining meeting for the child-rearing review board and just got the very tail end of what was going on but still, it was obvious the teacher was having one of her precious moments where she feels the innate need to impart on everyone her feelings of extreme disappointment at the lack of harmony, the lack of understanding, and just the fact that we are all lacking. I myself was only lacking wine, or perhaps someone pouring straight vodka down my throat at the time.

So last night she starts by saying how dance is an expressive artform of love and yadda yadda harmonious bollocks and that if we wanted our daughters to be able to perform to the best of their ability then surely it made sense that we needed to also express similar qualities – and perhaps be a bit more fuckin organized about sorting out the end of year party. Why wasn’t it organized yet? Did the 3 mums in charge of the PTA stuff not hear her as she made a mention about the party at the end of the last recital, in a room full of 40 people, 3 of whom were my children screaming about whose turn it was to play Minion Rush at the top of their lungs. She didn’t say that but damn, it was a ‘mention’ in a noisy crowded room.

I suppose they could have been more on to it. I mean they have been in the dance scene for the last four or five years. We did get an email asking whether this date or that date was better. I didn’t bother to reply with sorry, but on this date I’ll be screaming in front of ARASHI along with 30 thousand other screaming girls.

Turns out that on Wednesday they couldn’t decide on anything and sensei just thought some people were being too selfish, expecting the party to revolve around their needs.

Being the outspoken gaijin that I am I wanted to say ‘for fucks sake woman, I thought you were bloody well dying of cancer.’ But instead I said that there should be a couple of set meetings a year – hougoushakai in Japanese. We have four a year for soccer and things get decided. The PTA head hands out shit with the agenda and stuff and we go through and decisions are made by the people that can turn up. If you can’t turn up nevermind but don’t complain about decisions that get made without you there. We need to stop having ‘meetings’ after dance when girls are running round and some mothers aren’t there because they don’t even bloody know the impromptu meeting was taking place.

It really is ridiculous. I’m sure half the faffing around would disappear if we had a set number of meetings. As long as the sensei has made her desires known to the PTA head then she doesn’t need to and shouldn’t be at the meetings. We could have them in a the meeting room while the dance class is on. Its all so bloody simple it hurts.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK – I can’t believe it couldn’t wait till today’s class. Sensei said a couple of mothers work on Saturdays and that’s why she did it last night. There are about 17 mothers and we all have lives outside of dance. Well, I do. A couple of the mums don’t but a lot work and have other children and shit. It’s not possible to get everyone together every time.

So anyhoo, sorry for amping it up in yesterday’s post. I was certain it was something a bit more major than the end of year party.

Oh and just quickly – got an email back from the Uni saying it was a shame they couldn’t use me next year and that he would 改めて相談させていただきます try and work something out – but not holding my breath.

Oh and just quickly about the bank thing too – they rang yesterday to say I had to go in and give them a copy of my gaijin card so they could verify I am who I say I am and so they can staple the copy to the print out of the overseas transaction. I will have to do this EVERYTIME a transaction comes in from overseas. Every fuckin time. I am going in on Monday to do this. I then saw the woman again at the kinder pickup and she apologised for the rule change and it being such a pain in the ass. She also asked me if I was Japanese yet…..

Even if I wanted to I could never become a Japanese citizen. Well technically I think there is a way to that may or may not include having to prove you can slurp noodles, straighten all the shoes in the genkan the moment you take your shoes off, sit ‘seiza’ for 45 minutes without needing your legs amputated and that of course you hang trousers out to dry by threading a pole through one leg.

She admitted I wouldn’t need to prove who I was if I was Japanese. So Japanese people can get missile and drug money from overseas accounts but I can’t. I am going to confirm this on Monday when I go and talk to the bank honcho – whose daughter I happen to teach English to.  I emailed my contact at the company just to confirm that I can’t get paid from an account within Japan and she wrote back saying no, I would either have to get them to try and not require face to face confirmation for every transaction OR open a UFJ or Mizuho account – cause they are more international.

Off to have more coffee, light the fire, make pizza dough and look into that UFJ account.




15 Responses to “So Sensei isn’t Sick”

  1. PJ November 23, 2013 at 6:42 am #

    GW, dont know how you manage to deal with that sensei without going crazy. i dont think i could hack her, honestly. haha. i guess youre doing it the for your children but still, wow…… hers must be the only dance school around?
    also, inaka banks. argh. feel your pain.

    • gaijinwife November 23, 2013 at 11:12 pm #

      There is a hip hop school 50 minutes away in one direction and another 50 minutes away in the other direction. One is full up and the other I haven’t looked in to. Thats it. Very sad really, as Marina really does love it so I guess its just a matter of sucking it up and ranting to you lot 🙂 And the fuckin bank, I mean really… HTB’s mum works there, the top guy is the father of one of my English students whose mum I chat with every week, and then the other woman who asked me the stuff I used to work with, taught both her kids and she is the wife of the god damn soccer coach. I shouldn’t need to verify who the fuck I am!!

  2. Tash November 23, 2013 at 7:32 am #

    LOLing at your list of things to do to become Japanese. Seriously, a pole through the trouser leg..?

    • gaijinwife November 23, 2013 at 11:07 pm #

      🙂 Hanging out washing is serious business. I had several lectures back in the day when first started living with Granny K. Since I just ignored all of it she has finally given up trying to educate me.

  3. Anonymous November 23, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    Your attention to detail is brilliant! Why why why trousers on poles????? Surely you get one crinkled leg??

    • gaijinwife November 23, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

      It doesn’t make sense! And threading tops with polls through both arms – I mean you could hang up like two on one pole. I’m sure perhaps they dry about twenty minutes faster but what a space wasting hassle.

  4. Claire November 23, 2013 at 10:43 pm #

    Try Shinsei Bank? You can do online banking with them in English, and they also run the old GoLloyds service for international remittances (now called GoRemit), so they may be more accommodating.

    Good grief about the dance teacher. Is she just power-crazed, or neurotic as well?

    • gaijinwife November 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

      Thanks Claire. I’ll have a look into Shinsei Bank too. I used to use Go Lloyds a bit, back in the day when I was actually earning money that I could send back to NZ and not spend on feathers and costumes and sequins and wine 🙂

      • moon January 10, 2014 at 9:20 am #

        quite late to the reply party, but seconding shinsei bank! they also don’t charge fees on incoming international transfers, and i’m pretty sure that other japanese banks do. the atm card works in most atms (conbini, 7-11, post bank, and most other banks) too, and they don’t have weird atm charges usage with 7-11 & post bank (and maybe with some others too)

  5. Sarah November 24, 2013 at 6:35 am #

    Banks here are the worst. They won’t let me do a single international transaction because (as one bank lady told me) “South Africa is not very trustworthy”. Load of wankers, they are. At least South Africa is firmly in THIS century and not still bowing down to the gods of faxing.

    • gaijinwife November 24, 2013 at 7:55 am #

      Oh FFS, it’s bloody ridiculous. ‘not trustworthy’, Jeeze. I reckon if you’ve proved the place is legit and showed verification you are actually who you say you are you shouldn’t have to bloody keep verifying yourself for transactions from same bloody place. Retards.

  6. Xana November 24, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    How many laundry poles would you need to hang laundry like that with three kids? My friend’s mil used to tell her off all the time for doing laundry wrong. One of her rules that *everyone* knows is that underwear must be hung facing west. Snort! Seriously.

    The bank thing is so annoying. Sensei’s power trips, too.

  7. Mr sekimachihato November 25, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    Just maybe a tad sick in the head.

  8. matchaproblem November 25, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    Yieeeeeeeeeeeekes. This is a good and thorough roundup of why someone I know just had a total freakout and had to flee back to New Zealand for a “break from Japan”. Then again, he’s single so he can do that. I adore Japan, I really do… but I too am back in my own country at the moment and trading off wanting to bitch-slap people in one country for wanting to bitch-slap them in another. At least in the U.S. I don’t have to deal with being a suspicious gaijin all the damn time.

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