A Deserved Trip, you twatholes

28 Nov

On Wednesdays I read to the 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders at Shou’s school. It’s highly entertaining, is voluntary, nets me 250 yen each time I go, and is followed up with a coffee and random banter in the principles office, usually with the other two woman who go – whom I can’t really be faffed talking with but whom I do talk to on the rare occasion that I have a spare fifteen minutes to waste.

Yesterday they brought up the scheduling, noting that I am not scheduled on for all of January. They asked why and my face lit up and I said ‘weeel, I’m off back to NZ for ten days all on my own. So very very exciting. I couldn’t suppress my extreme delight and fact that I am crossing off the calendar to the ten children free days of I don’t know, what do people without children do anyway? I’ve forgotten, but have a secret suspicion it might involve getting my nails done and squiffing loads of wine.

They looked a bit shocked and the principle said really? you are actually going back for ten whole long days and leaving your children without their mother? When were you going to tell us?

It was my turn to looked shocked and I think if I had had the liberty of being able to speak in English I would have said something along the lines of “Oh please, they aren’t three-day old fledglings stuck in a nest 30m above the ground. They have a routine. They also have a father AND a grandmother who know this routine and who have both agreed to ensure said routine runs smoothly whilst mother runs away for ten days. And quite frankly I don’t care if routine is a bit bumpy and they have ice cream for breakfast every day – which I might add would never happen as can be proved by the grilled salmon, egg roll and rice breakfast their father cooked them this morning”

And why the fuck do I need to inform the school two months before the event?

I will tell Shou’s teacher – for sure I will. I was never planning on skipping the country without doing so but why work it up into this huge thing. Shou, and the other two, do not need two months of constant reminders that mummy is going away for ten days. The more you bloody talk to them about it the bigger of an omiyage I’m going to need to try and fit in my damn suitcase.

I can understand their concern – because most Japanese fathers do not do as much as hub. Hub is very capable and has learned a diverse array of new tricks since marrying me – yes, these may have been learnt through necessity and not want but still, between him and Granny K, the kids will be well fed, clothed in clean clothes, warm, loved and, if I leave the i-pad behind, entertained. It didn’t occur to me that I might need to ‘consult’ with the school before planning a holiday sans children which will have no impact on Shou’s school routine.

After expressing their concern I tried to explain that I had had one, two and even three children EVERY trip home while mum and dad were sick and dying and this was my first trip to their grave without having to count relatives, give greetings and make sure my kids weren’t flinging grave dirt all over the place and standing on mum and dad in their boxes. The woman I particularly dislike frowned and said, but you’ll have all the time in the world to do selfish trips on your own when the kids have left the nest, to which the other woman said, true true, wait till you are 60.

…… ????? !!!!! (repeat)

She didn’t use the actual word ‘selfish’ but she may as well have cause I came out of there feeling like a crap mother, had a snivel on the way home, and then thought FUCK YOU, and then proceeded to crank up the Cranberries ‘Zombie’ loud enough for the deaf woman next door to hear, while I danced round the house cleaning and wondering if half nine was too early for chuhai.

Which it was of course. Can’t be doing silly stuff like drinking before wine-o’clock, which these days has to be after pick up and dinner and what ever soccer, English or dance commitments are on the cards for that particular evening.

Speaking of English….. on Tuesday we were playing Bingo with short sight words and I turned over ‘she’ followed by ‘is’ – and the three girls noted it could be a sentence and we all wondered what I would turn over next…

‘on’

….

‘her’

One girl was tuned out, one is too mature to say anything and the 5th grader dissolved into fits of laughter – that kind where you know you shouldn’t be laughing but can’t help it, and end up with really sore abs cause you’re trying so hard to stop. I think if I had this kind of laughter now, after three children and mutilating my pelvic floor, I’d just end up peeing my pants.

SDGH&QL

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26 Responses to “A Deserved Trip, you twatholes”

  1. Emily November 28, 2013 at 2:50 am #

    Shit, we left the kids with their grandparents went off to the States for two and a half weeks of blissfully childfree time. Missed them now and then, so would go out for a meal, or look in a shop full of breakable, or… The only reaction from teachers and parents at school was envy. Probably most of the reaction you got too, if they were honest 🙂 Have a brilliant time in January.

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 3:37 am #

      The other mums that know are all jealous – jealous of the child free time and jealous that I have a husband who does more than sit on his ass and bark out dinner!! tea!!. now!!. Will have fabulous time in January. First time ever the four of us siblings will be together sans children. Very special indeed. xx

  2. Brit November 28, 2013 at 3:11 am #

    That school is nuts. They have no right to make you feel guilty or a bad mother- they can shut right up.

  3. mikecchi November 28, 2013 at 3:52 am #

    Ten days without kids?! Good for you GW. As the other posters said, those women are surely just jealous, and they don’t understand what it’s like to live in a foreign country away from family etc. I hope you have a wonderful trip 🙂

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 4:36 am #

      Thank you 🙂 I am so insanely excited its mental.

  4. Lisa November 28, 2013 at 3:55 am #

    You put up with SO MUCH BS…between the dance teacher and the childrens school, if I were in your position I would have gone postal..several times over by now! I applaude and admire both your patience AND restraint! Good for you for NOT allowing them to make you feel bad for taking a break…every mom needs a break…and the first commentor is probably most correct when stating they are less shocked and more jealous! I have to ask, is the neurotic behavior exhibitied in the childrens school by teachers and administrators something that is common throughout Japan or is it because you are in a more rural part of Japan? My 15 year old is HELL BENT on making her way to Japan after school (she’s going to be a translator of some sort!) and she reads your blog as well, and she’s made more than one comment that she is going to turn the school system on its head if she were in your position when it comes to her future children! I have this vision of them kicking her out on her ass or something for starting too much trouble,lol…!

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 4:31 am #

      I do try and make it as entertaining as possible but, at the end of the day its all truth and full-on bullshit which I guess just comes from being in several systems at once that are not what I would expect in NZ. Hopefully by the time your daughter makes it here the system will be slightly changed for the better. I would definitely say that our local schools are worse given that they are probably still governed by the same people and rules as they were fifty years ago. Good luck with the translating too for your daughter – its very rewarding and lucrative – unless you work for my univeristy, in which case warn her cause she will just end up spending her cheap wages on wine.

  5. Jenni November 28, 2013 at 4:17 am #

    Write them a postcard. Something that shows New Zealand’s beautiful vistas and delicious wine on one side and on the other reads, “Suck it. Love, Gaijinwife.”

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 4:26 am #

      LOL. Maybe I’ll do a less ‘suck it’ version. Thats a great idea 🙂

  6. Kym November 28, 2013 at 4:26 am #

    Silly, silly cows. As if each and everyone of us even gets to live to the age of sixty – you’d been talking about visiting family graves, too. 😦 Oh, those people are just mind bogglingly stupid. You did well not to punch someone!
    Enjoy a well deserved holiday!

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 4:28 am #

      I think I was too shocked. I should be shocked that I still let shit shock me!! I thought ‘ohaka-mairi’ would change their minds. I guess, back in their day, they couldn’t have left their children. Granny K refuses to watch all three children at once so if hub was a usless prick I probably wouldn’t have been able to go.

  7. Jen in Chch November 28, 2013 at 4:31 am #

    Have an absolutely brilliant time, enjoy every minute, and sod the lot of them at the school. If everyone who reads your blog comments with their childfree trip details, you’ll be able to say to the principal/anyone who has an opinion: “I have x friends and acquaintances who have left their children in the capable hands of y for an average of z days SO THERE”.

    For the record, I left my child with her perfectly caring father for 7 days (when she was 3) and 10 days (when she was 7), both times to go to Japan. He has also taken her to her grandparents’ place twice without me (a week each time).
    And I second the above Jenni’s comment about the postcard!!

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 4:35 am #

      Considering Japan doesn’t even do babysitters and date nights its no wonder ‘ten days’ was met with such a reaction. I imagine the principal would have told Shou’s teacher by now. What I failed to mention was that he was worried in case Shou was upset by me not being at home and that if that carried over to his school day his teacher could act accordingly – something she couldn’t do if she didn’t know. But still. Its two frickin months away. I know he just has Shou’s best interests at heart but damn, even a tiny bit of feigned excitment for me on their part would have been nice! They wouldn’t blink a fuckin eyelid if it was daddy going away for ten days.

      • Lisa November 28, 2013 at 4:48 am #

        there’s your answer, lol….send the kids AND your hubby AND his mama away and you stay home for 2 weeks! maybe that would please the twats…(I have picked up your usage of this word and I blame you completely and I absolutely LOVE it!) 😛

  8. Sarah November 28, 2013 at 5:16 am #

    In Japan, it seems like women may only have one label at a time. They’re ‘woman’ and then they’re ‘wife’ and then ‘mother’ and they are expected to do all the duties their label demands until they enter the next phase or die. My married friends with kids hardly even go on dates (the men can go to all the office nomikais their little hearts desire while the women have ladies lunches with their friends on Wednesday afternoons), but husbands and wives never have time to just be with each other – the `husband` and `wife` label no longer really exist because they are now `mother/slave` and `husband/breadwinner`. I know I’m just reiterating what you/ some people above have said, but it in no way makes you a bad mother for saying `I AM MORE THAN JUST ONE LABEL`. I only just got married and am already inundated with cookbooks and bento advice from well meaning ladies who do not get the fact that I will not be following their paths of one-labelism

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 5:28 am #

      I remember those Saturdays before Shou started school very fondly – all three kids at kinder. Afternoon lunch dates, pottering around the garden together, afternoon shags….I’m off to the school PTA bonenkai next Friday and my friend’s hub (they are both going cause they have two grandparents and a still genki great grandparent living next door) told her ‘he just knew I’d come on my own and ‘not let’ hub come. Poor guy’… ?? Must say I didn’t really give hub a choice as he is getting on the lash at a bonenkai the following night and besides, I do all the school shit, teach half the kids, know all the teachers. Kinda makes sense ya know 🙂 Good luck with your bentos 🙂

  9. Ruth November 28, 2013 at 9:02 am #

    OMG! It’s none of their business what you do and anyway, how would they understand? They’ve probably never even left the village! Only 16 days til I’ll be there to enjoy some English chu hai fuelled rants 🙂

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 9:36 am #

      prepare yourself!!. Between that and learning the bloody FUNKY Arashi dance we need to learn to not be the only two penlights waving in the wrong direction in their concert DVD, thats about our week sewn up!! BTW, the tickes haven’t arrived yet… was it this late last time or do we thing the postal workers stole them?

  10. chrysanthemummum November 28, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    It really is none of their fucking business. Your kids, your family, your life, your rules. Send them a postcard for every day you are away lol!
    Enjoy every minute. Come back and rub their noses in it! They have no idea what it is like to live so far away from your own family and your own culture.

    • gaijinwife November 28, 2013 at 10:58 am #

      too true. How are you? Not much blogging going on lately. Hope preparations going well. xxx

  11. heather November 29, 2013 at 12:28 am #

    power to you!

    I go to the AFWJ convention each year and leave the girls with DH for a Friday-Sunday. No big deal to me but EVERY freaking time it clashes with either a school or neighbourhood event and I come home to wide disbelieving eyes and ‘You know your husband looked after your kids BY HIMSELF??’ Always tempted to answer- oh? I thought his boyfriend might come and stayover since I was out of the picture…. ;P

    Make sure you get the ribbon arashi doovalacky. If you don’t want to keep it forever under your pillow you can sell it for big bucks to those women who are going for the collection…. one of my students has been to Sapporo, Tokyo and Nagoya so far. She only attended a concert in Sapporo but made the other two trips for the ribbon…. @_@

    • gaijinwife November 29, 2013 at 3:15 am #

      god, the teachers at the kinder were appalled when I just took Marina back to NZ when dad was on his death bed. Poor Ryu and Shou… Gaaahhhh, I do like your reply – you really should use that one time 🙂 See their faces. That ribbon doovalacky is on my list. Not for me though. But if I can buy more than one perhaps I’ll make a bit on them!

  12. Alex November 29, 2013 at 3:01 am #

    Oh for bloody buggery fuckit’s sake. Sorry, too much swearing? But really, and they wonder why nobody in this country wants to have kids. How has nobody ever considered that it might be because they turn childrearing into a ultramarathon gladiator style event in which nobody comes out alive?? Aaaarg! At the very least, sometimes I’m surprised you allow some of the people around you to stay alive… You would be fully within your rights to take a swing at them all!

    Have a faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous trip, you have absolutely earned it and I can’t wait to hear all about the wine squiffing and shenanigans, it will be fantastic.

    • gaijinwife November 29, 2013 at 3:13 am #

      LOL – ultramarathon gladiator style event. Exactly!

  13. matchaproblem December 1, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    Oh FFS… Japan and the shaming. They’re just jealous they can’t cut off for 10 days. I hate the judgmental thing. It kills me. It does not take much to make me feel guilty- and good god are Japanese folks good at instilling guilt. They’re so much better than my American family- even near-strangers can get to me at times. And as a 35 year old divorcee, I am about the most selfish person any of them hope to meet, so I get a lot of grief. Thank god I have single lady friends in Tokyo to remind me that I didn’t choose to be in this position, and even if I did I am A-Ok.

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Mrs D Is Going Without

Too much wine in rural Japan

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