Fly on the Wall

1 Jun

Fly on the wall … thats what my sister said she wanted to be for yesterday’s dance lesson – our last one and after which the teacher wanted all the mums to assemble for a meeting…

We got handed a printout of the ‘rules’ so to speak – put together by the head mum and originally passed round in January – during the time I can only presume was the 3 dance classes I missed because was home in NZ. Hadn’t seen that piece of paper ever before in my life.

The teacher went through the points, every ten seconds praising the mother who put them together for knowing her and the ‘dance world’ so well.

She got to the point about not being at a choreography lesson and therefore being left off the lineup for that dance. She spent ten minutes on said point and included my name and Marina’s name and really at the end of it all I felt was ‘every mother here now thinks I am a spoilt bitch who is pissed off her precious daughter didn’t get the dance because we missed the lesson’.

Despite the fact I have told both teachers I fuckin UNDERSTAND and this was not why I was pissed off.

She then did the other points, mentioned the other girl who is leaving and how sorry she is that a, b and c – all things that are not the reason the girl is quitting but it would seem, words and explanations have been manipulated once again and woe is me the poor dance teacher who puts in so much effort for so little return.

She then added her own point about Marina – who she just ‘loves to bits and quite possibly favored more than the other girls, and yes she is a ‘half’ and super cute and she’s sorry other mums but she couldn’t help favoring her’

BUT, now that the fact she favored her turned into her mother and herself having an altercation she PROMISES NEVER EVER TO FAVOR ANOTHER GIRL EVER AGAIN.

Great, so now its my  fault (again) that the other mums disapprove of this gaijin amongst their mix.

I don’t know if thats how they feel but that is how ‘I felt they would feel’ after the meeting.

I was on the verge of  smacking someone round the side of the head a few times but I refrained and bit my tongue in half instead.

When she asked me directly if there was anything I felt she hadn’t covered I said ‘no, you’ve done a great job, thank you so much’. I have no idea if the other mums will pick up on my dripping foreign sarcasm but.

Me and the other mum of the other girl T-chan who was quitting, were then excused because they were having an introduction time for the two new mums and the old mums to introduce selves to each other.

We went downstairs and hugged it out (quite unusual here in Japan), took some pics of T-chan and Marina together and then departed on the promise we would get together and squiff wine together one day.

I went home annoyed at self for having spent three hours making fabulous high heel sugar cookies and putting in cute heart bags with heart pendant for each individual girl – but then had to tell self that the girls were actually great, the whole year. It’s the clicky dance moms and the retarded nazi teacher I have problem with.

Marina and I then sang a happy dance – or rather I patted the steering wheel enthusiastically while singing ‘dance is over, Saturday dance is over, and Wednesday dance is over, we love hip hop’ the whole way home 🙂

Before she stopped me and said my song was too long and could I put on Buffalo Soldier…

Got home and emailed M-chan’s mum (Marina’s friend who does dance) to say ‘otsukare’ and that we would still love to have M-chan over to play tomorrow and by the way how long did you have to stay for doing self introductions?

She replies with ‘just got home’ (an HOUR later) and says she hadn’t realized that T-chan had had so many problems with the teacher TOO……

And last week I (capitalized ten times) was getting bollocked for talking to other mums – and here sensei is telling us to leave and then talking to the other 15 mums about why we were leaving… bet the word ‘professional’ got thrown round a bit.

I then had a few wines…

wait for it….

so I emailed the dance group – only about 2/3 of the mothers are on it but both senseis are.

I said, more or less, the following…

I really do need to apologize for not saying a proper thank you at today’s meeting. You have all been fabulous this year, thank you. (but really is standard ‘thanks for looking after us’ Japanese phrase – ‘osewaninarimashita). You have a performance coming up that Marina won’t be here for and will be practicing for that. I am also going to be really busy getting prepared to take the 3 kids back to NZ for six months and these are the reasons we are quitting dance now. (i.e. – not because Marina didn’t get to dance a 2 minute hand waving dance). The new mums probably don’t know anything about the ‘dance world’ so please tell them, even the little things you take for granted. Marina did really well this year and that is in thanks to the teachers, the other girls and you mums. Thank you.

I got a few responses and the daughter teacher said she was ‘sorry for not letting Marina dance the (aforementioned dance) dance at the last performance. Her and her mum were drinking the wine we gave them yesterday (which I might add I didn’t lace with arsenic – how very restrained of me)

But again, another ‘hey, I’ve apologized in front of everyone to Marina’s mum’ – again, about the one thing I wasn’t even pissed off about.

There were a few more comments from mums about wishing they had had more chance to talk to me, me sending a few more panda bear holding pink heart stickers…

and then I deleted myself from the group.

And then I woke up  and had to take Shou and six other boys in my car to soccer – including the coach’s 4 year old son.

‘Coach’ is a city gov employee and the FIRST person I ever sat next to working her in Japan. Sat next to him for three years, the office tried to fix us up a few times – to no avail. I also worked with his now wife and we all went on the piss on countless occasions. His son is in Ryu’s class. They are friends. The boy knows me.

Yesterday I got a call from ‘coach’ asking if it was me or hub driving the kids to soccer today. I asked why and he said his son wanted to go but because he (dad) was staying elsewhere over night (cause attending wedding) then he would have to get someone to drive his son and his son specifically said if its Ryu’s mum I’ll go but if it’s Ryu’s dad or anyone else I won’t.

So even though I was planning on getting hub to go I went.

Lordy lord good god.

The other soccer mums were in a frenzy. You’re picking up who? (why the fuck did he ask you? you’ve only been in soccer a year. I’ve been waking up at 4am to put on my makeup ready for coach for five fuckin years… was what I imagined they said in their heads).

Then when another mum came part way through the games I overheard a mum whispering that ‘Katy’ had brought the coach’s son with her….


And here I was thinking I’d stopped all the mommy bollocks with dance….




8 Responses to “Fly on the Wall”

  1. Grace June 1, 2014 at 1:19 pm #

    O M G …… I thank the lord daily that my kids are now late teenagers and I don’t have to put up with such bollocks 🙂 I would certainly be knocking back the vino if I had to put up with what you do – is it a peculiarly japanese thing???
    Sorry haven’t commented much recently, but I am still here! (PS are you in touch with Gina Chrysanthemumum? – she moved back to England and has now deleted her blog, just wondered how she was getting on)

    • chrysanthemummum June 1, 2014 at 8:38 pm #

      I’m still here Grace! Sorry for deleting my blog, but had a “stalker” who wouldn’t comment on my blog but send me nasty emails if he didn’t like what I wrote or the comments others wrote. End of an era…If I ever get my blog mojo back again, I’ll let you know. I need a name and the incentive…

      As for the dance soccer mum bollocks thing, Katy. Jeez, it would drive me insane. You are a better person than me for putting up with it for as long as you did. It was that kind of pettiness that irritated me when I was in Japan – people worrying about the unimportant stuff, but not giving a shit about the bigger stuff. You are so better off out of it, though perhaps you will have to suffer some similar silly stuff from the footie mums?

      • gaijinwife June 2, 2014 at 2:27 am #

        Wondered if you’d had some blog trouble 😦 Hope all is going well over there. xxx

    • gaijinwife June 2, 2014 at 2:26 am #

      I am sure I will look back on it all one day and think how easy shit was before the kids became teenagers 🙂 Lets just hope I don’t have another teacher or sports coach to deal with like these two again 😦

  2. hamakkomommy June 1, 2014 at 1:47 pm #

    Wow. Send hub to soccer next time! You need a break.

    • gaijinwifei June 2, 2014 at 2:29 am #

      He went the last two weeks in a row as part of the ‘car pool’ and my need to feel that we wont be pulling out weight while we are in NZ so need to get our turns over with now! Being a man this kind of shite just flies straight over the top of his head anyway :p

  3. Elly June 2, 2014 at 2:04 am #

    Right, so it’s actually all Marina’s fault for being of mixed heritage and too cute?



    There are no words.

    Well there are, but they’re pretty much all variants of “fuck”….

    How dare she bring up your daughter’s race like that as an “excuse” for her actions?? She is genuinely fucked up in all sorts of ways.

    But you did it! 🙂 You got through it and emerged with great, great dignity. I bow down to your other-worldly gaman-ing skills against all that provocation. Now you’re freeeeee 😀 (Apart from soccer bollocks I guess)

    • gaijinwifei June 2, 2014 at 2:30 am #

      I know, there were so many things I waned to butt in and say but its bloody over with now. I was sitting two away from the teacher though – in a huge circle – and I presume at least a few of the mothers so me raise my head with a look of WTF??? when she mentioned the half comment. Grrrrrrrrr. God the woman annoys me.

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