Dousei Muri

10 Jun

どうせい無理やな – Dousei muri ya na – either which way you can’t do it aye / it can’t be done

Husbands of foreign wives who live and speak YOUR language every day, raise children in an environment that is YOUR native language and actually fuckin kick ass doing so – DO NOT EVER say this to your long-suffering wife.

I have a long list of shite that needs to be done before heading to NZ for our six month English Immersion slash NZ wine immersion slash eating all the meat pies immersion slash speaking me some kiwi immersion (but don’t tell hub cause its ALL ABOUT the kids)

Ryu and Marina needed new passports – both NZ and Japanese.

I did the NZ applications and it took about 8 days turnaround. Bloody great service experience.

I wrote half the Japanese application and then in between preparing for English, picking up Ryu, translating and getting dinner ready I had the bright idea to just ask hub to finish them off. Some of this shit, even though I can actually do it, is just less hassle and easier for a native speaker, surely.When I asked in the first place he said he didn’t have time to pick up an application form (he works at the city office) and that I just needed to sort it out.

He hates filling out forms or ringing people for things etc. I get that. My dad hated it. Is it a man thing? Or is it just a wussy pussy shit thing?

OMG, not that my dad was that. He’s bloody dead now so I can’t say that.

Anyhoo, I asked hub if he could finish them off. Wow, the bloody drama, really? It. will. take. YOU. ten minutes. I’m not asking you to get the photos as well. No, I already spent half a day doing that shit.

So he takes the forms to work and comes home last night with extra forms – proceeds to tear my half written one up, saying that my Japanese characters and numbers weren’t written neatly enough and didn’t I know that they had to be good enough for the computer to read them. I say yes, of course, I had tried very hard to write nice Japanese and despite not being born with a calligraphy pen hanging out my ass I thought I had done a commendable job – A LOT better than the scribble I am expected to read and understand from the handwritten notes by the teachers in Shou and Marina’s notebooks.

He starts writing a new application form and as I am putting the kids to bed – yelling shit up the stairs like ‘hey, is September ‘jyugatsu’? (no, it is ‘kugatsu’). yaddah yaddah – there was a section that asked when their ‘other (NZ)’ passport had first been issued.

I get back downstairs and we have a ‘conversation’ over the joys of filling in these kinds of forms. It basically ends in me saying, hey, husband and father of the children needing said passports, some of this shit is just easier for you being the Japanese person and all. And him replying ‘dousei muri ya ne’ – which after the precluding conversation felt like ‘yeah, well you’d just never be able to do it now would ya’

I actually said WTF? You don’t actually think I could fill in the form if I had to? And even if I did wouldn’t  the calligraphy police just deny it anyway for not being good enough?? As it happens the form ‘must be filled in by the person signing it and submitting it’ – hence that would have been a better argument for throwing my attempt away and starting again, as opposed to using the ‘your writing is shit’ card.

What a fucking cheeky bastard. I asked him to ‘help’ me because I was busy and it would be less time-consuming for him and now all of a sudden I am incompetent.

Ended ‘conversation’ with ‘you bloody watch it or this ‘incompetent’ gaijin wife will leave the ten forms a week I have to fill in for the kinder and primary school for YOU.

You fuckin fucktard.

Man I was angry. What a twat.

I tried to be sympathetic (have been reading too many good mom good wife memes lately) by saying hey, I know its hard for you and all and you don’t and will never ever in your life understand what it is like living in a foreign tongue every every single fuckin day – his response – but your Japanese is great and you translate for a job so you understand everything and what are you complaining about again…

Head, Wall, Bang, Wine




15 Responses to “Dousei Muri”

  1. hamakkomommy June 10, 2014 at 1:08 pm #

    ‘Tis the season, I suppose. I finally got my husband to fill in DD’s passport application, took it to the place (which by the way is the second most inconvenient government office in Yokohama, after our kuyakusho,) and they wouldn’t accept her signature! She’s just started first grade, ffs, of course it looks awful. Now the hubster has refused to fill out another form and I get stuck doing it. Maybe I’ll let him do DS’s American passport forms in the winter and see how he likes it.

    • gaijinwife June 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm #

      Hub had the great idea of getting Marina just to trace his writing in pencil and then erase it. LOL – he then came home with the form to give in when go to pick up passport – that Marina has to ‘sign’ exactly as she did on the application form – in front of the person at the office. The thing is she could have probably done it on her own in the first place but hub obviously has an anal obsession with perfectly constructed characters.

  2. Tash June 10, 2014 at 8:37 pm #

    LOL, “fucktard”. Definitely leave him all the forms to fill in, since you can’t do it and all 😉

    • gaijinwife June 10, 2014 at 10:14 pm #

      This country is obsessed with forms and wasting paper. Its completely unnecessary and I can just hope he has to keep filling in the school forms for the six months we aren’t even there. Wouldn’t surprise me you know 🙂

  3. Elly June 11, 2014 at 4:44 am #

    Not really my place to call other people’s spouses arses, but (whispers) what an arse.

    Obviously the city hall would never allow it in a million squillion years, but it would be nice if your hub could go with you for the 6 months, get an English-heavy job in NZ, and have you all refuse to speak Japanese to him at home, just so he could get an inkling of what it feels like.

    And fill in shitloads of forms too. Every day. Although it still wouldn’t compare, cos the NZ ones are probably a piece of piss compared to Japanese bureaucracy 🙂

    On a related note, I am massively impressed at the 8-day turnaround for NZ passports!! Your country rocks. Takes me months and a ridiculous sum of money to renew mine.

    • gaijinwife June 11, 2014 at 10:36 am #

      feel free to call spouses arses when being called an arse is deserved.

      He is coming home for ten days to ‘pick us up’ at the end of our immersion camp wine squiffing binge eating thing. I think I’ll just not translate anything and prepare a whole lot of forms the school needs ‘the father’ to fill out – there is NO WAY he would question why the father had to fill them out instead of the mother.

      and seriously – the NZ passport office is awesome. LOVE. It still costs but it is so damn effortless I don’t care.

  4. chrysanthemummum June 12, 2014 at 9:06 am #

    He is an arse! Totally understand how you feel. xx

    • gaijinwife June 14, 2014 at 12:12 am #

      indeed. Thank you G. Nice when other people can just ‘get it’. xx

  5. Debra June 12, 2014 at 11:27 am #

    Sounds like man code for “I don’t know really how to do the form and I don’t want to admit it”

    • Anonymous June 13, 2014 at 2:47 pm #

      More like: “I’m too lazy to do it, so do it yourself”

    • gaijinwife June 14, 2014 at 12:14 am #

      haha, he is pretty shit at forms. You should see him if he sees me filling one in in blue pen. The bloody shame. Why don’t Japanese people use bloody blue pen?? I don’t get. Not like I fill them in using a spray can or cake decorator – although perhaps next time I should.

  6. Mrs. N June 13, 2014 at 3:01 pm #

    The kids actually have to sign the application forms…??? Wha?I dunno-that’s just ridiculous. I still have that frying pan that I was going to takqbin to you….to smack DH over the head…

    • gaijinwife June 14, 2014 at 12:16 am #

      it says that if they are first grade or above they should, if possible, write their name in the box. Which is too small for Marina to write her full name in hiragana. it is ridiculous, and considering he could have done it on her behalf he should have instead of making her copy his. Sigh, nevermind.

  7. katinkyoto June 14, 2014 at 11:56 am #

    Dear GW,

    you’re awesome.

    I think you should sell your story to the telly/movie people. Anybody out there in the biz or know someone in the biz?

    If you do ask for a percentage of the profits. 🙂


  8. katinkyoto June 14, 2014 at 12:01 pm #

    Dear GW,

    oops! Should have written…

    you’re awesome.

    I think you should sell your story to the telly/movie people.

    If you do ask for a percentage of the profits. 🙂

    Anybody out there in the biz or know someone in the biz?


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