Fast & Furious

5 Sep

So it was Thursday when I posted that last post I think. Have good reason for not getting around to posting since then…

I got Shou’s vomitty slash shitty bug and was pretty much holed up in the toilet between 1:37am and 4:56am Friday morning. Miraculously a) I didn’t vomit in my bed, b) the kids didn’t wake up despite the toilet flush going about ten times  and c) I only shat farted in my PJs once. Once is enough. I was back in bed by that stage and an almost Olympic effort leap out of the bed meant everything was contained and I didn’t have to wash the entire bedding for a second day in a row.

The god’s were obviously smiling though and the worst was over by breakfast time and I was able to sort the kids and get them all off to school without having to stop to spew or shit my pants in the school grounds.

Still felt like had been run over by bus though so spent the whole day curled up either in a fetal position shivering on the side of the bed with the electric blanket or starfished on the other side trying to cool down.

The kids came home and they were all fine so we went off to swimming which was good – Marina moved up to Shou’s class and Ryu had a teacher all to himself and did a stellar job. Not wanting to be ‘that mum’ sitting by the side of the pool with tears in her eye I had to concentrate on Shou and Marina and trying to catch their eye to then ‘give them the eye’ to stop them being silly buggers and getting told off by Alan, the gestapo, who is actually superb teacher.

Friday night Happy Meals for the kids and we get home for an early night for all. Well, they played with some of the goods from the box hub sent over while I had a bath, watched some of ‘The Block’ and had a third of a G&T. Tummy still too delicate to be doing silly things like consuming alcohol. Could only manage two pieces of vegemite on toast all day – why do some of these things hit adults worse? Quite possibly because my internal organs are in a lot worse state to try and expel any nasties I imagine.

Anyhoo, fast forward to what I thought was the middle of last night and I hear the unmistakable sound of a half cough slash spew coming from the kids room. Ryu, who was still pretty much asleep, had spewed all over his pillow, sheets, dragon, self, and then, because he went to immediately lie straight back down again, his face and hair..

It was quite magical – in a spewing doesn’t get any worse than this – kind of way. Obviously as a parent, my primary concern isn’t how sore his tummy is, it is what I need to do to prevent the situation from getting any worse and secondly, how fast I can get shit into the washing machine.

I reckon from time of spew to the time the lad was back in bed the whole operation took less than 11 minutes. I had to carry him to the bathroom – in such a way as to prevent anything from dropping to the floor because fucked if I’m  scrubbing spew off the carpet for the second time this week – third if you count the fact that Shou managed to douse the carpet twice. I had to strip his bed – which fortunately had a mattress protector on it (the only bed in the house that does) and take everything into the bath to rinse off before taking to washing machine. I had to then refill the bath for Ryu, strip him out of his PJs  getting as little of the spew on his t-shirt (that he had on under his button up PJs that happened to be completely open when he spewed because hey, why make this shit easy) on his head as possible – which is pretty much not doable and the poor boy was in tears cause he had McDonald’s gherkin on his face and oh shit, I can laugh – now.

Got him clean, washed his hair and got him snuggled into the ‘Spew Nest’ that I had had the good fortune of making up beside my bed before everyone went to bed (just in case). There is a black leather couch here so I got the two big swabs off that for a mattress, covered with a ten dollar waterproof sheet and towels over a washable cushion yaddah yaddah – with a spew bucket handy, tissues and water. Shou spent a night there the other night too and really, in all honesty, it did look a lot cozier than it sounds.

As I snuggle into own bed I silently apologize to the woman next door for having our washing machine on in the middle of the night. Our garages are joined and I can hear her washing machine so I just presume she can hear mine. I then look at the clock and realize its only frickin half past ten at night.

Ryu was fine after that and things were going well until I heard Marina crying at 5am. I run in and ‘fortunately’ she just had a sore tummy. I smartly get her out of her bed because she is on the top bunk and imagine if she projectiled from that height! I transfer Ryu onto a couple of towels beside me in my bed and get Marina into the Spew Nest.

She has a bad hour with a really sore tummy but no vomitting. We all get up about six and I make a similar nest for Marina on the couch. Ryu is hungry as after losing his Happy Meal down the plug hole so I give him a piece of toast which has stayed down and it has now been 11 hours since he spewed so I think he is in the clear, as the whole thing seems rather furious at at the time but fast in duration.

Marina wanted a piece of toast too and I naively thought that perhaps she wasn’t going to spew seeing as her tummy seemed OK again. Haha. FOOOL.

Thank god for the Spew Nest on the couch though. Obviously the spew bucket right beside her didn’t get used but on the plus side, I had tied her hair back when she first woke up so at least she didn’t get spew in that.

So with the whole family getting this and pretty much me cleaning up vomit or shitting my pants since Wednesday, plus the fact it hasn’t stopped raining and well, there are two plus loads of dry washing on the couch, a load in the dryer, a  wet load beside the dryer waiting, and a load in the actual washing machine.

Fortunately it is raining again so I won’t feel guilty having the dryer on for the next four hours.

So, who wants to come and visit?

Bring coffee and a custard square if you do.



2 Responses to “Fast & Furious”

  1. Firoco September 6, 2014 at 12:09 pm #

    Love the phrase “spew nest”. Might have to borrow that. when we get hit by a bug.

    • gaijinwife September 6, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

      no other way to describe it really! Has to be water or washable proof but a bit cool enough for child to not want to hog your bed 🙂 They all slept there really well.

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