Are you ever punished?

26 Jun

Does your husband ever punish you?

No, I don’t mean the whip, handcuffs and loving kind of punishment I mean the ‘let’s treat you like a child because I think you need to learn a lesson’ kind of punishment?

It fucks me off no end, has little to no effect and just makes me want to whack him round the side of the head with a frypan – which I agree, is a MUCH more adult-like response.

Case in hand…

Last night I made Japanese curry for dinner. It is not exotic. We live in Japan and this is a very lazy meal. Takes all of 20 minutes and is something (or cream stew) that I just have to cook on days when my English teaching schedule slash kids homework and soccer schedule is just too hectic to fit in a menu that requires more thought or effort. For all the parents going ‘my god, don’t you own a slow cooker’ – No. I do not. But after talking to my slow cooker owner friend today I feel it might be the next online shopping purchase – just as soon as I’ve bought the dartboard for my birthday. Priorities.

Soooo, hub arrives home just after I have finished making the curry and says he has an appointment at the dentist. He comes home at dinner time with a swollen, bleeding face saying they had to pull a tooth. Thus, unless I mash the curry up so he can suck it up through a fuckin straw……. he makes himself some sloppy rice instead.

I therefore have more leftover curry than I thought I would.

It has been a long day. I have translated and taught English, ferried kids to soccer, made sure they did their homework, washed their armpits, cleaned their teeth. After they are in bed I wash the dishes and tell myself I must put the leftover curry in the fridge before bed. I then pour myself a drink and slip into the world of Masterchef and Reno Rumble.

I forget about the curry and as I fall into peaceful slumber it is at the bottom of my list of shit to remember for the next day – in fact it probably wasn’t even on the fuckin list.

This morning I wake up  – it is 6:02am. Hub is already downstairs making the kids grilled salmon, rice and rolled egg for breakfast. This has been a bone of contention for years. I do not think the children, or anybody for that matter, needs three cooked meals a day. Cereal and/or toast and/or yoghurt with fruit tis sufficient. Hub begs to differ and lately enjoys (as long as he can complain about how much he has to do) cooking the kids breakfast. He gets up at 5:45.

I spent 6 years of my life with my tits out and in and out of light fitful sleep. Two out of three kids sleep until 6:30 so why, for the love of fuckin god, do we need to get out of bed at the same time as the 7 year old? why?

Soooo, by the time I get up the kids are eating breakfast and I just need to make coffee for me and hub. I see the curry pot sitting on the stove, realize I didn’t put it in the fridge, but also realize the mornings require a fine art of maneuvering and logistics. So I leave the fucker on the stove top and vow to deal with it upon my return from the kid drop school routine. Will be home in 40 minutes so no big deal.

Unfortunately (for the entire universe) I didn’t say this out loud and in between me thinking this and returning from the school drop thing the pot is gone. I don’t realize this though as the pot isn’t in my face to remind me.

I get into cleaning, washing, translating housewife, work from home mum mode. I translate for a good few hours, I Jelly Splash for twenty minutes (at least I’m being honest), I do the washing, go to the supermarket, swear under my breath at the couple who are obviously having a ‘lets gawk at the gaijin day’, pick Ryu up, and his friend, supervise them for two hours while they play with bugs and go on walks to collect crabs, teach English, supervise homework, yaddah yaddah.

THEN, I go to start on dinner – a menu of cold noodles with toppings of egg roll, crab, cucumber, pork and sesame seed dressing (also not exotic – another 20 minute dinner). I go to boil the noodles and the fuckin pot isn’t there. Where the fuck is it? I look in all the obvious places. I may have even looked in the non obvious places, like the cutlery drawer.

I then think ‘you fucker, you’ve put the leftover curry outside and left it there’

I open the back door from the kitchen and sure enough – there is the left over curry, which has been in the near 30 degree sunlight ALL FUCKIN DAY. It is almost like he has added a packet of yeast to it – OMG, maybe he fuckin did!

So I go chuck the putrid smelly leftover curry into the unused rice paddy next door. As I am washing the pot out a million times before I use it hub comes home. He saw me washing it out. He didn’t say anything.

Probably just smugly thinking his ‘plan’ worked and maybe next time I won’t be a lazy housewife….

Well fuck that.

Next time I’m tipping that shit in the back of his car – maybe in the spare tyre compartment so it will take a while to figure out where the stench came from!!

Or gahhhh, there probably won’t be a next time.

Maybe I learnt my lesson…..





14 Responses to “Are you ever punished?”

  1. Natasha June 26, 2015 at 11:15 am #

    Dick move Hub, dick move 😠

    • gaijinwife June 26, 2015 at 11:25 am #

      Right! Even if he didn’t want to be the one dealing with it he could have said ‘hey babe, the curry pot is outside, sorry I haven’t got time to was it out’ ya know!!

  2. Susie June 26, 2015 at 10:18 pm #

    What a passive aggressive shit move! It would have been much easier to just complain about it some instead of being immature about it. “Here! I’ll show her!” Juvenile. The extent of my punishing is usually goofing up in an area that I have more than once and having the old stuff thrown in my face along with the lecture for this time ’round.

    Don’t men realize how perfect we are despite the life obstacle course set before us? Especially when there are other little mouths to worry about. I think a strategically placed egg in his boot is in order! It will stink and it will take time for it to get stinky and by then he won’t even remember what warranted the egg. Gosh I’m bad!

  3. Debra June 26, 2015 at 11:25 pm #

    Maybe you should have brought it back inside and served it to him for dinner…

    • gaijinwife June 29, 2015 at 10:47 am #

      LOL – poured it over some udon 🙂 Nice.

  4. Amanda Harlow June 27, 2015 at 12:00 am #

    GORGEOUS piece of writing :-)))
    Love every single word of it. We are all reading along and nodding.
    Oh Yeah. Been there. Had that.
    Oh all right – I’ve DONE that too.

    The endless variations of the silent domestic wars.
    And by day he goes to his office and is all grown up and responsible. But scratch the surface of a man (and more than a few silly women too) and find a meany.

    Smiled my way thru your story.

    Our little war spot is Put The Lid Back On Properly/Close the Packaging Properly.
    Endless…day by day, year by year I am learning that there is The Way to close a food containing box or bag. And I will never ever perfect that way.

    And I don’t care.

    • gaijinwife June 27, 2015 at 8:14 am #

      Thank you. I try to be as poetic as I possibly can 🙂
      Glad I’m not the only one dealing with this kind of shit. Hub also likes the milk carton lip to be folded back in after use. We go through milk so fast I really can’t be fucked ya know!

  5. aquilamaris June 27, 2015 at 1:06 am #

    I’d be so tempted to take the cost of that pan out of his “allowance” and tell him thanks to his childish, selfish action, the pan was ruined. I wouldn’t actually do that, but I would think about it. Hiding the pot so you can’t wash it is what I expect from a spoiled 5 year old.

    • gaijinwife June 27, 2015 at 8:15 am #

      I’m pretty sure he has a secret bank account – which is fine, because so do I :p I am almost 100% positive that if I told him the pot was spoiled he’d turn it round and it would be my fault for making him behave like a dickwad.

  6. Tracy Robinson June 27, 2015 at 6:47 am #

    What a stunning display of wankiness!! Should have dished up the stuff to him for dinner, and also not said anything. Although if the food poisoning killed him that MAY be a bad thing. I assure you my husband also has intermittent displays of complete dickheadishness also. The temptation to whack him on the side of the head with a frying pan is sometimes almost overwhelming (and I would be ensuring it is his large cast iron one too, not my pussy little non stick jobby).

    • gaijinwife June 27, 2015 at 8:16 am #

      Hmmmmm. We are heavily insured….
      (note to self – buy large cast iron frypan – after dartboard and slow cooker)

  7. Ruth June 29, 2015 at 8:21 am #

    That’s really mean!! I’m terrible for leaving things to die in the fridge – sludgey cucumber anyone. I know it’s pisses Malcolm off but at least he just put’s it in the bin. Imagine if you hadn’t needed the pot the next day, who knows what would have been living it by the time you found it.

    • gaijinwife June 29, 2015 at 10:49 am #

      haha – he puts it in the bin NOW but you just wait….. I did clean out the fridge today – I wonder if hub’s actions are in the back of my mind somewhere!! Which fucks me off. Why can’t I just ignore him and continue being my fabulous lazy housewife self!

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