Ask and Thee Shall Receive

13 Nov

I was rather busy up until yesterday but today was pretty much blank, bar my English class in the afternoon. I was almost asking for some action.

And then I went to pick Shou and Marina up. I mean seriously, I should have just ordered them a taxi and started on the wines. FFS.

It was pitch black, I was in the middle of tea, the dog hadn’t been for a walk BUT I had to go and collect the kids up from after school care.

I arrive, behind four other cars on a single lane. I get out and go up to the ‘supervisor’ (a term I use very very loosely). She informs me that a window was broken and because Shou and Marina were in the number of kids who had touched aforementioned ball, they had to stay (and thus I did too) to wait for the head of the after school care program to drive over from in town to give them a talking to. The fact that you would employ someone who feels they can’t give the kids a talking to themselves??? Well shit. The whole shebam is just a comedy of errors. Like every fuckin day.

So I waited outside, with 4 other mums, a grandma and a neighbor, as our kids got told off for kicking a ball inside on a rainy day. I quietly told the supervising lady that perhaps next time she could TAKE THE BALL OFF THE KIDS – This is not the first time this has happened. Someone breaks a window, with a ball, at least once a year. The after-school-care rule is NO BALLS INSIDE. For fucks sake. Remove the fuckin ball before it happens. She has no foresight at all – possibly due to not having any children, which may or may not be a choice I don’t know but damn. She is the most clueless child care minder.

She tries to blame the 7 year olds – oh you know, I told them over and over again for like two hours but nobody listened….. Seriously, that is what she says to us parents.

I am very intolerant to uselessness by adults.

SO, telling off is over and we can finally get in the car and head home to our Friday Night Roast dinner and TV and good family times yaddah yaddha – fuck, and wine.

In the car Shou says he has something to tell me. It isn’t good and can I please not get angry. I sometimes do get angry at the kids and in fact I weigh up the pros and cons about going back to NZ every year cause if I yell at them down the chip aisle at the supermarket, or smack a kid’s bum, some good-doing PC brigade might feel the need to ring the police about my incompetent parenting.

I tell him he needs to tell the truth because the consequences of not telling the truth are always worse.

He tells me that that he got called into the principal’s office for strangling HTB.

I slam on the breaks and give everybody whiplash.

What do you mean? You tried to strangle him? Really?

Well, he put a plastic bag OVER HIS OWN HEAD and I just grabbed the handles without thinking. I let them go straight away but I-kun told sensei, who told the principal that Shou tried to strangle said kid yaddah yaddah.

Said kid was fine. He didn’t fall over like the other kid told the teacher. Shou didn’t try and strangle him to death.

And yet the school didn’t follow through. They believed everything the 7 year old said, rang hub and suggested Shou needed counseling.


I didn’t find this out until hub got home of course. As soon as Shou told me we went straight to the boy’s house and apologized. The mum was perplexed. Her son was yarning on to Shou about games and staying the night yaddah yaddah. The boy had no inkling of why we were there. He had not told his mum about the supposed ‘STRANGULATION’. Because it wasn’t. I agree Shou shouldn’t have done what he did but the incident didn’t need to escalate to what it did.

After speaking to me, and finding out what really happened, hub rang Shou’s teacher to tell her what really happened. He said yes, Shou was in the wrong but it wasn’t a huge event, the boy didn’t complain, he was a as happy as a pig in shit and perhaps the school shouldn’t rely completely on the evidence of a 7 year old. I mean FFS Marina was there – and there is no way she would let Shou tell me false information – like never ever ever.

I’m fuckin over it. I know I am being a defensive parent and perhaps don’t want to see how bad their child is but I also think the school is relaying too much on misinformation. Shou is not a bad kid. He has to be at school every fuckin day with one other kid in his grade and his sister in the same room with a teacher he’s had for THREE FUCKIN YEARS.

I want to squiff back bottles of wine just thinking about how shit that must be. I know the other boy. I teach the other boy. I understand their realtionship and I see what goes BACK and FORTH – only Shou doesn’t fall over when the other boy does or Shou doesn’t OTT the situation when the other boy does. I see it, with my own eyes. His mum understands his ‘personality’.

That aside I have never felt as shit a parent as I did tonight when hub said the principal of the school thought they should bring in a counselor…..

OK, so when Ryu fell down the deck steps in his walker and got a huge egg on his head and we rang the emergency services – Yeah, I felt pretty bad then too.

The school will be merging in two years with the school in town and originally I was thinking the small school environment was much better. The school in town is still small but the merge will mean Shou goes from a class of 2 boys to a class of 16 boys and 2 girls. I teach English to a third of those boys and I can guarantee, without a doubt, that if Shou’s current teacher had to teach any of that lot she’d be calling in all sorts of fuckin counselors.


Loving the 9-year old boy shit.



PS, after giving the kids whiplash, talking about the whole thing in the car, going to apologize to the other boy etc I told Shou that that was the end of it. We wouldn’t talk about it at home. Hub came home and I knew he knew. I still can’t believe the teacher completely bypassed me and rang hub instead, but anyway it is what it is. Hub and I had a hushed conversation in the next room and then he went upstairs to ring the teacher. He hasn’t said anything about it to Shou and you could see the relief on his face when I told him what had happened. I mean seriously. He got off the phone with the teacher thinking Shou had gone in and tried to choke the kid. FFS. Next week will be interesting. I can feel my monster parent slash mother bear side warming with the now lit fire.


6 Responses to “Ask and Thee Shall Receive”

  1. Debra November 13, 2015 at 5:58 pm #

    Argh how frustrating!! Why is this kid putting a bag over his own head? I think counselor resources are better deployed elsewhere…

    • gaijinwife November 13, 2015 at 11:08 pm #

      They were being silly buggers by the sounds of it. Meant to be putting away their apron, peeler, towel, container and plastic bag they had had to bring for Autumn Sweet Potato Festival with Vestlings (not official name).

  2. T in Tokyo November 20, 2015 at 2:12 am #

    Kids fool around, surely the school authorities have noticed. Since HTB wasn’t hurt and they didn’t even bother to tell his mom, it seems ridiculous that they even mentioned counselling. Good for Shou for telling you about it, but it makes me wonder what they said to put the fear in him. Was anything further said about it by the school?

    And I’ve been amazed at the incompetence of the after-school care person before, surely it can’t be the same person still? Seems like being able to control kids is the most basic requirement the job could have. “I told them to stop” indeed. I feel your pain.

    • gaijinwife November 20, 2015 at 11:30 am #

      HTB’s mum today told me she had to take HTB around to another boy’s house yesterday to apologize for, wait for it, strangling him…. FFS.

  3. L. (formerly from Homesick Home) November 21, 2015 at 2:06 pm #

    My now 20-year old son had so much trouble “adjusting” to kindergarten at a private international school in Tokyo that the school insisted we see a counselor……who turned out to be really wonderful. I found a private one, and she reassured told us our boy was a good kid, and it was the school that was f*cked.

    Then a few years ago, our younger son was at a local Tokyo city school when his father was transferred overseas and he started misbehaving in school a lot and was always in trouble. I ASKED if he could see the school counselor, and was told it was “not necessary.” GAAAAAAH! What’s the point of having one?

    Anyway, you know Shou is a good kid, too. Hang in there!

    • gaijinwife November 23, 2015 at 1:05 pm #

      Thanks L. I know he’s a good kid and I don’t think he would go out and try and strangle some kid with the intention of purposefully wanting to hurt him. Especially his best friend. Had a PTA meeting on Friday night and the other boy’s mum and their teacher are both in the same PTA department so we were all there. I really didn’t want to go but it was good because the teacher was talking about all the kids (giving us all the shit they had let at school yaddah yaddah) and it is apparent they are all as 8, 9 and 10-year old boy as each other. God bless.

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