Fuckity Fog

9 May

So after my post yesterday I managed a bit of mascara and half a mouthful of coffee before loading Granny K into the car – OK, who am I kidding. I didn’t need to load her she was already standing out by the car with her umbrella and 7 vests waiting for me.

It is half past eight and her appointment is for 11. By my calculations and presuming road conditions are normal we will arrive sometime between maybe 10am and 10:17am. We go via the express road. It is pissing rain and super super foggy – as in let’s close the fuckin expressway foggy. There are men waving glowy sticks and a whole load of cones on the road to prevent us from going further. So we get off the expressway, along with every other fucker and proceed to spend an hour crawling 6km. Tis painful and at one point Granny K has a go at me for letting a car in in front of us. I calmly inform her that I didn’t ‘let’ anyone in, the bastard just about took my front bumper off. I may or may not have called him a cunt at the time.

We arrive 15 minutes after our scheduled appointment but everything goes relatively smoothly. The doctor was explaining everything straight to Granny K until I interjected with some intelligent question in high quality Japanese – then he started talking to us both and in fact began to insert random English words so by the end of it Granny K was asking me what he meant! He was super nice though, as were the other 3 nurses and chemist guy we had to deal with, answer questions, fill in forms for etc. It is my great pleasure to inform you that on any given day Granny K goes to the loo approximately 7 or 8 times, two of which are between the nightly hours of 9pm and 6am.

You’re welcome.

There has been a cancellation in the surgery schedule so her operation is set for the 25th of this month. I have to take her on the 23rd and listen to another barrage of explanations. Have to remember to not let her take her blood pressure that morning, and to purchase a ‘surgery’ wee and poo pack from the hospital store. I think it probably has a more professional name but basically it’s a big nappy and bum hole plug so the patient isn’t a complete mess while under anaesthetic. The operation is on a Wednesday and I have back to back English classes so am MAKING one her offspring be there to see her into the op and wait for her to wake up. She will probably be in hospital for two weeks during which time I guess I’ll try and go every couple of days or so, depending on any translation work which comes in.

Speaking of which, must go. Have a deadline tomorrow.




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