Run Away from Reality

16 May

There is a song by X Japan, probably one of the most famous bands of all time in Japan, called ‘Say Anything’ – and part of the lyrics are ‘run away from reality ….’ and I have been singing them all afternoon. As I drive along the coast and get further and further away from home.

Not too far mind you.

Only an hour and a half.

Still, I have run away for the night and am currently safely in a nice hotel room with no washing, no cleaning, no cooking, no homework, no teaching, no obligatory blow jobs because I forgot to get my husband a present for his birthday yesterday …. the list goes on.

I do genuinely feel bad about the no birthday-sex thought, especially as hub cooked us all dinner and played baseball catch with the kids for an hour while I sat inside and drank wine and watched an episode of Masterchef…

I do not however, feel bad about missing a day of slave work for my unappreciative, ungrateful (insert expletive of choice) children. I’m sorry that hub has to step up – as in I wish my not being there meant the kids actually did more but they wont because hub, despite having the arguing skills of a 9 year old (him and Shou are on par) will cook dinner, wash up, bath the brood, sort out their homework and get them to bed.

My running away hasn’t gone unnoticed though and this morning, as I tried to creep downstairs at 5:30 after a restless night with mixed emotions of ‘wahoooooo fuckers, mummy’s pissing off for a whole night’ and ‘damn, perhaps I shouldn’t have booked that hotel room’, I heard Marina whisper to Ryu

‘Hey Ryu, mum’s up. We need to get downstairs and fold the washing or something or she’ll go’.

Did I feel bad?

I did, for a second. And then I thought fuck it, you’re both old enough to fold a towel or two – I mean for fucks sake, when I was that age I was walking through 10m of snow in full force gales and cow poo to get to school. I had to sweep the yard for an hour to get enough money to buy a 10 cent mix, consisting of five lollies.

These days I have to bribe my children with video games to get them to play soccer. Of course I do realise that most behavior traits are a direct result of my shite parenting but still. Even shite parents need a break.

I had a complete mummy meltdown yesterday which was, at a guess, probably in part due to the fact that the kids had two days of soccer and were knackered, and while I didn’t have to physically play, I did have to physically get all their shit sorted, physically drive them, physically get all clappy and shouty on the sidelines, and physically have to deal with their tired bastard selves when we got home. There were small factors in between like the fact that they forgot the bag with their soccer spikes when I loaded them into the car pool cars yesterday. I was planning on arriving in time for the first game but the car pool leaves an hour earlier. I had car pooled the day before. I got into the car to go, saw the bag (insert multiple expletiveS of choice) and rang one of the mums on car pool – who said that Marina said ‘oh yeah mum is bringing them later’ – and thus she hadn’t rung me to tell me the spikes were AWOL.

I am at this stage at the petrol station getting gas and willing the Japanese attendants to stop servicing my car so I can step on the gas and drive the 50 minutes over the mountains to soccer.

Well, ahem I (claiming speedy gonzales prize) made it in 38 minutes.

I did, just about, hit a wild pig but I’ll forgive it, he didn’t know what kind of rush I was in.

And I made it in the knick of time for my three gorgeous, beautiful, lying, bastard children to get ready for their first game.

I then proceeded to get so bloody sunburnt that my face was actually burny hot for the rest of the day. Marina also has the burny DNA. the boys were just a tad flush cheeked.

Anyhoo, I was ‘planning’ on taking the kids home via the nice cake shop for hub’s birthday cake and the 2$ shop so the kids could pick a crap birthday present out each but hub rang and said his Sunday compulsory festival attendance work had finished early so could I pick him up after soccer – in completely the opposite direction from home.

So I did. And the kids were pissed.

We got home and there was homework to finish. Marina pulled out a screwed up piece of paper from her school bag – which of course prompted me to ask why the fuck was it all screwed up? Apparently the math was really hard so when she tried to do it at the after school care she got frustrated (you reckon!!) and screwed the fucker up – and then flattened it out – and then screwed it UP AGAIN for good measure.

A chip off the old block probably.

I had to try and not laugh cause seriously, the paper was ย mutilated to the point where I said her teacher would go nuts and that perhaps she needed to iron it – I was joking though.

I didn’t actually think she would ask Granny K to iron it. I have a religious affiliation against ironing so she has never actually seen me iron anything – ever. Granny K came in later with a newly ironed piece of homework paper.

The kids and hub did play nicely outside for about an hour, I took the dog for a walk, things were nice for a little while, and then it all turned to custard. The kids started bickering, hub joined in, I asked them all to do whatever it was they were meant to be doing at the time, nobody listened, I asked again in my hostage recovery voice and still everyone ignored me….

SO I poured myself a drink and booked me a hotel room online.

And here I am.

Hub did wake up and enquire as to my whether or not my hotel booking was legit – I said it was and that in hindsight I should have put it on his Visa.

I told the kids mummy was off duty so they had to walk to the ‘walking-bus’ meet point, which is about 700m away. I also said, before I headed out to take MAX for a looooong walk, that they would need to consult their dad about how they would get home from school. I usually pick them up and the younger kids aren’t actually allowed to walk home if they are enrolled in the after school care program, like my three are. I then plonked an unopened cereal box on the bench and left.

Before they left to walk to school I called them over and said I have two things to tell you. Be Safe, and Be Nice.

I then called them back and gave them a kiss and said, mummy will always love you.

You just need to listen more, fold more washing, put your shit away and stop the fuckin bickering.

I haven’t heard from hub so I presume nobody is in need of medical attention and Granny K hasn’t burnt the house down. Seriously, hub has NO IDEA how much I check on Granny K – and for good reason. But that is another post.

Hope you all don’t need to be running away from home for a night too.

But if you do, enjoy the quiet.







15 Responses to “Run Away from Reality”

  1. Mrs. N May 16, 2016 at 1:03 pm #

    Hi- you know what- I totally understand. I know how depressingly difficult it can get. My X was a real loser ( that’s why he’s my X) and I remember the days when the kids were little. I had 3 girls and the culture was a little different in the islands… The girls helped me as they got bigger but… and even though the situation was not totally the same- the breaking point- where you just say- ENOUGH – I get that. Totally get that.

    I’m the praying type so I’m praying for you.


    • gaijinwife May 17, 2016 at 9:42 am #

      Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m totally fine and probably a lot worthier causes and people to be praying for ๐Ÿ™‚ The kids just pushed me that little bit far. Had a lovely night away though.

  2. Murphy May 16, 2016 at 4:17 pm #

    Ha I laughed about the “obligatory birthday present’ part, I have to give that present if I ever bounce a check.

    • gaijinwife May 17, 2016 at 9:43 am #

      haha, good luck not bouncing those checks then!

  3. Tracy Robinson May 17, 2016 at 1:46 am #

    Enjoy your well deserved night away & make the most of it. Then enjoy the hour or so after you get home when the kids will be angels, hubby will be lovely then all will be back to normal with the bickering & hubby complaining how hard it was to look after the kids etc etc – then book another night away ๐Ÿ™‚

    • gaijinwife May 17, 2016 at 9:44 am #

      Kids were duly excited to see me and were apparently good. They are off at soccer now and bickered a bit before leaving, which I squashed extremely quickly with a ‘might just have to book me another night’…. :p

      • Tracy Robinson May 17, 2016 at 11:37 pm #

        Haha, you can use that one for a while :-). BTW, mine are 16 & 18 & 50 (oh wait that’s hubby), and I still have exactly the same issues with bickering, not doing shit and me nutting off completely fed up with it all. I did go away for 10 days and there was some renewed appreciation for me, at least temporarily when I came back.

  4. bri65 May 17, 2016 at 8:31 am #
  5. bri65 May 17, 2016 at 8:33 am #

    Oops, didn’t work. I
    said — “Echoing Tracy Robinson’s post”

  6. Ruth May 17, 2016 at 10:23 am #

    Good for you! I don’t know how you deal with it day in and day out. I told Malcolm that I feel like we’re running a hotel at the weekends where the guests never settle their bill!! They just hang around having a nice time while we cook and clean – if it weren’t for the red wine and the holiday to Lanzarote we’re going on sans kids in October I might have killed someone by now.

    • gaijinwife May 19, 2016 at 11:45 am #

      Insert white for red with the wine and yip – that holiday to Lanzarote sounds fabulous!! Enjoy that! I hope you are both on the same page about what the kids need to be helping with ๐Ÿ™‚ xxxxxxx

  7. matchaproblem May 19, 2016 at 1:46 pm #

    I completely feel you on this one. Tuesday was so nuts (except on our end it’s baseball madness), that I called a sick day from work- had M take the babies to daycare anyway, and went back to bed until 10. Then I sat and farted around on my couch for hours with my laptop in the peace and quiet. I didn’t do dishes or fold laundry or prepare dinner. I sat. It was glorious.

    • gaijinwife May 19, 2016 at 11:44 pm #

      Nice. We all need our breaks! I take it both the boys do baseball then? How are they doing in their big brother duties? I want to read part two of the twins birth story so can you not sit for too long in glorious peace and get about writing that. Thanks :p Now I’m off to try and get the dog and the cat into separate boxes so I can get the whole 4 hour round trip to the vets over with in one day!! Hope M makes you a yummy weekend breakfast tomorrow!

      • matchaproblem May 20, 2016 at 6:26 pm #

        Yes, both stepsons are doing baseball, and for the first time in my time with them, they are both on separate teams. So… two sets of practices and games (and their teams suck this year, so they just lose the games and get bummed out). They don’t even want to do it, so it’s like pulling teeth to get them to go to an activity we all wish would f off.

        Hope the pets behave and your drive is peaceful! I am pumping milk at work right now- ain’t nuthin’ peaceful about that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: