2 Aug

Bloody translation bollocks. Haven’t had that kind of bollocks for a while!! I have had translations but not accompanied by bollocks. Actually probably not so much bollocks and misunderstandings and financial jargon!

I got a request for an urgent project yesterday afternoon – to be completed by this evening. I had a look at the source document, realised it was was all financial bollocks and said that yes I could handle the requested 2,500 characters – well, I thought she said characters but it turns it she meant words. Which is fuckin stupid because you should never ask someone to do a translation on the amount of words of the target language.

Anyhoo she sends through the file and I go fuckity fuck and promptly pack a childish spaz in front of the children – who are home from summer school because hey, they had shrine dancing and soccer and shit all weekend and they’re knackered. I also have free lunch tickets for a place half an hour away so, in my head, we were all going to have a lovely outing.

This ‘in my head’ thing is a failing of parents worldwide. We should all go on outings prepared for everything possible turning to complete and utter shit, and then be pleasantly surprised when we make it home without a stranger having called child protective services or something. Although I will admit that outings are getting slightly easier in some insanity-induced form or other. I mean the kids don’t cry or puke all over my back anymore, but the shit that can spew forth from their mouth can just make you want to slide into a hole somewhere – I’m sure I tell the waitresses to seat me at the ‘gobble me up if necessary’ table.

Manners children. Where the FUCK are your FUCKIN manners. Fuck me you’ll all be in your rooms for an hour when we get home.

But this post is about fuckity fuck translations.

So I gathered together my bestest translations skills and made the kids turn on all technical devices and screens in the house so I could have a couple of hours of peace to deal with the financial jargony jargon of it all.

And then hub comes home and sees the explosion of life around him – aka, the mess that is usually cleaned up and sparkling by the time he comes home. He questions why I took the translation on at all? I said I fucked up the amount, I said yes, and now I have to suck it up and finish it so a bit of bloody …. …. rah rah – the rest was all said in my head. Including, you cunt! I may or may not have done the fingers behind his back as I walked out of the living room and back to my pit of coffee and translation.

Hub and the kids are all up in bed at 9pm. Or so I thought. Turned out Shou was still awake so I made him come in to my pit of doom and despair and do a couple of pages of summer vacay homework. You know it sucked but fuck, mum had turned into the ‘translation dragon of hell’ so really he just had to suck it up. He is now officially 4 pages over the quota he needs to turn in tomorrow – yes – when they have to go to school for class DURING THE SUMMER VACATION.

That is a completely different post, requiring photographic evidence and copious amounts of wine.

So I stayed up until midnight, wallowing in net profits and revenues and bastard cunt engineers who make supersonic antennas and shit (If somehow you are actually a bastard cunt engineer who stumbles on this blog on his/her journey to whatever then please re-read that as AWESOME engineer) and then I had to call it quits cause I was seeing double on the screen and I jest needed to snuggle up and go the fuck to sleep.

And then all of a sudden it was fuckin TODAY!! I had informed my project manager yesterday that I was incredibly sorry for misunderstanding her original email but that I was in no way capable of taking on the length of the file she sent – which was like 5,000 characters. Something I would ONLY take on in 24 hours if it was content matter I was like super familiar with, like content matter I had given birth to or something.

I am thinking I will have to somehow get through the whole thing as haven’t heard from her by like 10am.

And then I remember she’s in a different time zone. She emails me and tells me she has someone to take on what I can’t handle.

And then ensues about 13 emails of me telling her where I can get to and where the next person should start yaddah yaddah – only I haven’t taken into account that my english translations have made the page count on the source document and the document I am translating on all fucked up so yeah… …. we get our wires crossed a few times and in the end she assigns a part to the other person that starts right after the paragraph I REALLY didn’t want to do.

But hey, at least I know more about hydrogen batteries right!






7 Responses to “Gaaaahhhhhhhh”

  1. Mr Sekimachihato August 2, 2016 at 12:25 pm #

    God I feel for you having just had the shitiest week last week starting at 8:30am and catching the last train home each evening getting home around 1am.
    I was this close (pinching my fingers together) to packing up my shit and going to live in a hole. At least with our industry we know the deadline is “just around the corner”…

    And school during summer vacation, God we live in a strange place!

    • gaijinwife August 3, 2016 at 11:44 am #

      how do you manage K? I can’t imagine a job slash life like that 😦 I really feel for you. Proud of you for not packing up your shit OR throwing all your toys out of the cot like I would have.
      You still need to bring the fam dam down to visit!! Even if it is just so we can squiff wine and supervise the kids doing their bloody summer homework!! I hope next week is better for you. I shouldn’t really complain because at least this week and next week I am English class free. The two weeks after that I have stupidly planned three days a week of 9 – 5 summer programs with just me making all the materials, supervising, teaching yaddah yaddah. Fuck. How am I going to be English teacher genki for that many hours in a row!! gaaaaaah. If we had a train in Kunimi I’d use it!! Purely for the fact that then I could drink at work!

  2. Susan (Eastendmom) August 3, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

    A. You are amazing; B. You make my head spin. And C. how can they call it summer vacation when the kids actually have to go into school? As to summer homework – most of the high schools here have required summer reading programs for the high school aged kids, which means from about 14-18. They pick a couple of books from a list, read them over the summer and then write a report to be handed in when school starts in September. NOT for the elementary school kids who need a break in the summer. Am thinking maybe it helps teach discipline? Or is just one more thing for exhausted parents to try and keep on top of during their so-called break.

    • gaijinwife August 3, 2016 at 10:39 pm #

      I think I’d rather do pages of math than do book reviews 🙂 Elementary kids definitely need more of a break than what the Japanese school system gives them! Says me who is at this very moment (7:38 in the morning) is having a strong coffee and sitting with Marina helping her with her math homework – first half is all due on Saturday and then they get a whole load more!! Faaaaark.

  3. Jo August 3, 2016 at 10:07 pm #

    I agree completely about not making plans about things going perfectly in your head…. Masaki is off to Kyushu champs in Kagoshima from tomorrow, but… he managed to smash a glass on Tuesday and one of the slithers somehow managed to fall on his leg and make a decent sized gash down his calf. 2 trips to the hospital and 5 stitches later and he is still on the road to Kagoshima, but not in exactly the best condition ever! The doctor tried to convince him not to run, but little chance of that! Just hoping that if he pops his stitches it is in his final race, not his first!

    • gaijinwife August 3, 2016 at 10:28 pm #

      OMG really?? Shit. God, I hope he’s OK racing. Really not what you, or he needed!

      • Jo August 3, 2016 at 10:45 pm #

        Back to the hospital today to check that he didn’t rip them out at practice yesterday… not perfect timing, but as I told him – at least it wasn’t the night before they left!

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