Archive | October, 2016

Pumpkins, skeletons and nearly 9-year olds.

25 Oct

So its nearly damn Halloween folks! And do you know what that means? Only 8 fricken weekends till bloody Christmas. You don’t have to check. A Christmas-nut friend (we all have one) posted it on FB. I read the post and got both smiley happy and heart palpitations at the same time. Fuck. I have done nothing about Christmas yet – well, bar ordering shit I don’t even know if my children will like from a store in NZ to help fund my sister’s daughter’s kindergarten….

My sister is sending it over and I will then re-assess the situation and decide if Ryu or hub would be better suited to the flat drumming sound kit. . .

Today was my first of SEVEN Halloween parties I am obliged to single handedly hold for my English students over the next week. Well, I don’t have to do it. I do it out of love and the fact that I’m an over-achiever and like to make people happy. Last year I turned a single room in our house into a Halloween-inspired room. This year I have an office about three times the size. Not wanting to  disappoint the kids I told them all how fuckin fabulous I’d make it for Halloween.

And so I did.

But it took me two days, a roll of industrial farmers black plastic sheet (about 100m long), 200 drawing pins (push pins)  and approximately 4 bottles of wine, although this could be up for debate.

But meh, the room looks bloody fabulous and the first party today was a success. I even got a few screams when the girls entered the black room, with a lit-up pumpkin, scary music and a teacher waiting in the shadows to run out and scream at them looking like this ….


The class today was 11 year olds. Tomorrow I have three classes, the first of which is 6-year olds, so I guess I’ll be an age appropriate witch!!!

But back to the pumpkin. I got it for a bargain $5 in the town three towns over. Big pumpkins are extremely rare in this neck of the woods  so finding one was super exciting – despite the stupid bitch of a vestling women who kept commenting on how wonderful Marina’s Japanese was and how I MUST ask a male-staff worker to lift the pumpkin for me. Fuck, she went on for ever, so much so that her vestling friends started giving me sympathy looks.

I jack-o-lanterned it on Saturday. Spent two hours cutting and scooping and gradually losing feeling in my right arm. At one point I questioned whether I was actually left-handed, as my left arm was completely winning at the scooping shit (after an hour). When I bought it the pumpkin had a handwritten note on it saying ‘not for eating – only for decoration’ – so I threw the sweet smelling flesh and seeds into the vacant rice paddie next door. Much to Granny K’s dismay. No doubt the wild pigs would come stampeding through her neglected veggie patch in search of the sweet smelling honey of nectar pumpkin flesh. . .

They didn’t.

But it was an argument on the way to the eye doctor that we didn’t need to have!! Especially as I am just the driver ferrying her around everywhere. Seriously woman, don’t pick a fight with your free taxi.


AND, Marina turns 9 tomorrow!! Has anyone been reading this since she was a baby? Wow. How time flies.

She has been turning the house up-side-down looking for her presents . . .


Which are right beside me in a box underneath a case of unopened Slimfast!

Hmmmm, Maybe I’ll put a bottle under my pillow tonight and hope that shit works via osmosis ( ?)  I want to write this word but I’m not sure. Mum used to tell us to put our school books under our pillow the night before an exam – so that the information might filter into our brains through ?? osmosis?? Is there another word I’m thinking of? Hmmm.

No harm in trying I guess.


Nighty night campers,






This, That, and The Gruffalo

6 Oct

So I finished going to the fuckin dentist!!! Wahooooooooo. After seven visits, a root canal, two other fillings and a de-plaqueing I paid a TOTAL of 11,000 yen (or roughly 110 US$) and am now the proud owner of a silver tooth. A silver tooth mind you, that is only visible if I am laughing in full force right in front of your left eye.

Hence why I didn’t fork out $500 for the white cap 🙂

Marina thinks it is sooooo cool that she asked her dentist to put in GOLD wire on her braces – see mum, you’ve only got silver. I’ve got GOLD!!!

Such is parenting.

In other super exciting news Granny K had eye surgery today! We had the following conversation about how she would get to the clinic…

  • GrannyK: Can you take me to the eye clinic on Thursday
  • Me: Sorry, Thursdays are my money making days. I make so much I start shitting yen out my cheeks at lunchtime. I’d prefer not to have to take time off. I could take you at 9am though? (clinic is 40 minute drive away – this timing would be me taking her AFTER volunteer reading at the school and before teaching at the school in the next town over from half ten)
  • Granny K: Meh, but then I’d get there two hours early and have to wait until my appointed time to check in for said surgery.
  • Me: Perhaps there is a bus?
  • Granny K: There is, but I’d still have to wait for an hour and a half at the clinic.
  • Me: mmmmmmm, perhaps hub could take half a day of (paid) leave?
  • Granny K: No, he told me just to catch the bus and wait. Don’t worry, I’ll ring the prized eldest son.
  • Me: But he lives TWO hours drive away? He is also a senior detective in the police force. He is extremely busy (he fuckin better be because he’s shirking all his eldest son responsibilities).
  • Granny K: I’ll try him.
  • Me: But that means taking a whole day off to drive two hours EACH way just so you don’t have to sit in a waiting room chair for 90 minutes?
  • Granny K: If you’re going to the supermarket today can you get me some Tofu?

Turns out the Eldest son said yes and thus today rocked up at 10am to take her. BUT, he rocked up with beer, so I guess all is forgiven. I hadn’t the heart to tell him that next time he tries to make amends for me doing 99% of Granny K’s running to and fro that he needs to order in cases of Cloudy Bay.

And another conversation of note was one that happened this morning – day of volunteer reading at the local school the kids go to.

  • Shou: Hey mum, what book are you going to read at reading today? (said in Japanese)
  • Me: The Gruffalo. I don’t think your class has heard that story for nearly two years!! (said in English)
  • Marina: (from the toilet) …..  Gruffalo Soldier, from the heart of America…

In general, and compared to ALL my friends on facebook married to Japanese men, I am completely failing at the ‘raising bilingual kids’ thing.

BUT fuck it, I’ll take a win on this one I think.

And will thus, pour myself a glass of something and pretend it is Cloudy Bay.

Love to the family.