Archive | May, 2017

Another Start

8 May

I’ve started another health kick. It’s only day two so let’s not all hold our breath. The main concern was obviously the too much wine and other select beverages, and not enough movement. I guess walking the dog twice a day and jumping around singing English songs with 3 year olds was enough to keep the weight from increasing to whale proportions but, with an impending very thorough Japanese health check looming in July it is time to take the spare tyre/s by the horn and get rid of them.

After more sleep than I thought possible after no alcohol (as in I think I got a solid 6 hours – whereas if I’d had a drink or two and gone to bed at eleven I would have slept through to half six) I woke up and decided to take the dog for a walk. He was very excited, and someone surprised, to see me so early. Got home, got the kids out of bed and said they had to be clothed and had breakfast by the time mum finished her SHRED meeting with Jillian – which is like 27 minutes or something. It is nice that the kids are finally old enough to do everything on their own. Most days it takes a lot of encouragement and sometimes me losing my shit and going complete hyena. But today, it was OK – probably because I WASN’T in their face every second!

Finished Shredding,  had my breakfast, washed the dishes, put the laundry on, filled in a few forms for school and got the kids in the car by 7:15. Very accomplished early morning.

Am about to head off to teach at school in next town over before teaching my own group of 3-year olds, then 11-year olds and then 12-year olds from 6pm.

Right, back to being healthy everyone.





Orange in the Bag

5 May

I don’t know if it’s a ‘stage’, although I’d hazard a guess at possibly a ‘very long term’ for this current lies and deceit bollocks from the boy child slash boy children – yes, that now includes the golden child, which breaks my heart. I’m here with my wine shedding tears of frustration and disdain.

Japan is currently enjoying ‘Golden Week’ – which has nothing to do with my golden child. It is about five days of holidays during which, it would appear, the soccer coach feels an urgent need to schedule games on four of the five days. Ryu was asked to play for a team with a number shortage in a tournament yesterday and the day before. We all went on Tuesday and yesterday I went with Ryu while hub spent the day getting pissed off at the children and eventually telling them to go join an episode of Survivor because they didn’t have a bed here anymore.

Don’t even get me started on my husband’s superior parenting skills.

We lost every game of soccer, in the rain AND I momentarily lost my dead mother’s diamond ring after being scolded by the umpire for telling our team to give as much back (the other team were being shirt holding bastards). I tend to fiddle with my rings when I’m unsettled, shamed-out or just feeling like a dick for failing at adulting properly.

I got home to Shou halfway down the road with his backpack and Marina on the swing – she would never go far because she wouldn’t be any good at foraging for food, which is after all, her main goal in life.

I get my abandoned children back in the house and then ensues a humungous row between hub, the children and I. Marina ends up crying up stairs and Shou says he is leaving for GOOD – which meant going round the side of the house and throwing shit.

I make them all eat food and go to soccer. I tell them I will stay for the entire practice and that if they say a nasty word to each other I will embarrass them in front of their friends and drag them into the car.

They are fine.

Get back into the car and see hub has called me 5 times in quick succession. Thinking the house might have been on fire or something I ring him straight back, to nothing, and then try Granny K. Hub was looking for the fuckin tool box.

I’m not quite sure the fuckin tool box warrants 5 phone calls. On our return Hub questions the children about the 4 puncture holes in Marina’s bike tyre. I can tell straight away that it was Shou so, while acting as mother slash anti-defuser slash keeper of peace because otherwise dad will losse all of his nuts, I manage to get Shou into the other room – while hub is outside repairing the punctures. At first Shou tells me he used his fingers, to which I said ‘no you fuckin didn’t’ – to which he fesses up and says he used the cork screw.

Then today, bloody today. It is ‘Children’s Day’ in Japan. We should be celebrating the birth of the future generation instead of yelling rage at them to get off the ROOF of our two-story house. Well Shou was up the top – he’s trying to catch a sparrow so he can keep it as a bloody pet. He had a branch with animal glue (whatever the fuck that is) with popped wheat stuck to it as bait. Marina and Ryu were on the roof of the first floor to try and get the slipper Shou had thrown up there in his obvious rage yesterday  – before, after or in-between slashing his sister’s bike tyres.

At about 3pm Granny K comes in with a bag of some kind of crackers. From inside she pulls out an orange- which obviously isn’t quite as entertaining as a rabbit but hey, it’s not what was meant to be inside the bag. She enquires as to which of the three children went into her cave, ate her crackers, and replaced them with an orange.

And, because males are crap liers, and because Shou as at the top of the wanted list anyway, I can tell it was him. He laughs and says Ryu was in on it too – at which point a little bit of my heart breaks.

Ryu told him where the loot was. They both ate it and then Shou decided they needed to put something in the bag because hey, I dunno, maybe Granny K wont care that she’s got an orange instead of prawn crackers.

And well there, that was the last couple of days.

I’m tired.

Need wine.


Good luck to all the parents out there.