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Tranlsation Bollocks

28 Feb

Really not that much to report. I am in translation-hell at the moment.

Although, I guess it’s not hell because I do enjoy it and just have to keep thinking about the ching da ching at the end of the tunnel. I can’t and shouldn’t really complain that the university is taking the piss but, hey, I’m going to anyway…

I got 3 business case studies at the end of last year. average 28 A4 pages (full writing) each. We organized a price before hand per case. All good. Except as per usual I don’t squash it in because I usually go weeks or months without other translation work.

Had kind of forgotten we’d organized that they would give me enough work this year for me to be taken off hub’s list of ‘dependants’. Need lots more for that to be viable because I now have to pay pension, social security, insurance rah rah.  So, when they asked me last week if I could handle another 70 page file…..

I looked at the file. It wasn’t a brain tax but it was very time-consuming.

So I said yes. Cause I fly like that. Am also perhaps half a bit crazy. So crazy in fact that the university expressed its concern at me being so busy but IF I HAPPENED TO HAVE ANY EXTRA TIME how much could I take on in addition to all the other shite…

So I said a page a day. If its easy then it will only take me maybe 40 minutes and be a nice break away from Seminar surveys and roast Chinese pork, and if it looks like it will take too long (is too technical or hard) then I’ll just turn it down. So they started sending easy shit like articles for the webpage and shit. And I did them really fast – cause it was a nice break. So I’d send them off and then half an hour later I’d get another mail and FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, All I can wonder is WHAT did they do before they started sending shit to me?

When I actually worked there I had lots of translations to do but now their policy is to hire more English speaking Japanese staff to handle the students directly and hire us off siters to translate.

Has been a juggling match I tell ya – mainly because I get so many emails and don’t write shit down as soon as I should – like, please change who this invoice is sent to rah rah. It’s painful. The other place I translate for is so much easier! EVERYTHING is online and they work out the invoices and I just go online when I like and tick the boxes of the invoices I want paid – which means I can regulate when they go into my bank account, AND which bank account they go into!!

Off shore Caribean or otherwise.

So, end of March is my big deadline for 160 pages. Have no idea how many posts you’ll get between now and then.

In other quick news I had Ryu’s pre-school meeting today. He moves up from kinder to pre-school in April and we had to spend an hour listening to the exact size of the hand towels and length of loops we had to sew on them. Turns out the teacher would like us to hand write all the name tags (that go on everything – each individual pencil and crayon) and NOT buy them already printed with child’s name.

Well that can fuck off cause I already got Ryu’s for pre-school and Marina’s for primary school off the internet like four months ago in a Rakuten sale.

Sigh, Sigh, Sigh.

One year its this and the next its that.

Am flying the white flag of gaijin ignorance and ‘I’ll just do what I want’ness.



Translation tunnel for which there is no immediate light

8 Oct

In the thick of translation hell. Its one of those ones where if, for some reason or other, you can’t get your quota done for just one day, it has a slow but formidable  domino effect on the next 27 days and dat deadline starts looking scary.

I was meant to be translating business case studies – with a deadline of the end of February – huurrah. That’s a sipping pina coladas and painting my toenails kinda deadline. But the day after I started they halted it with intentions of getting a bigger budget and more case studies, supposedly resulting in more money for more pina coladas and nail polish.

The same day I got a call from a different office with a random 90 page power point presentation that they needed done in ten days.  That kinda shit just has me swigging wine straight from the bottle.

But I like power points.

Call me old-fashioned.

So I took the job on, and subsequently finished the job.

The next day I get another email from the same office. I think I’ve fucked something up but no, they have another favor.

120 pages for a big university review being held in a month. I laughed down the phoneline. I mean who expects that shit? I have three children, I teach English, I make cupcakes and spend three hours making lasagna four times a week. I aint got the time for that shit.

And besides, it was full on pages. Not lovely power point.

So it got knocked back to 80 pages and I am full steam ahead.

On the same day I got a call from MY old office. They had 13 pages for me… could I do it pretty please. So I said yes to that too and smashed that out the first day cause it was all shit I knew, kanji I knew, phrases I’d coined myself 8 years ago when I worked there. Easy peasy pina colada japanesey.

But now I am in university policy hell so don’t expect any more frequency in updates than you’ve been getting for the last month anyway 🙂

Hope you are all well. Feel free to pass this address on to any other gaijin who you think might get a laugh or two, or learn something about translating, or ballet bollocks, or soccer bollocks, or hip hip (no bollocks after that), or PTA, or being married to a Japanese man, or living in the middle of fuckin nowhere rah rah…

Right, I best have a chuhai and prepare myself for having to close the typhoon shutters. It has been a while so I’m pretty sure it will be arachnophobia part whatever the minute I pull them out of their storage slot. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I want to be a silly girl and wait for hub to get home but the wind has started picking up.

I think I can, i think I can…