Conversations

Two conversations I had today…

Morning (lashing rain – like the kind that even if you use an umbrella to get to the car, in the 1.5 seconds it takes to close it as you open the door and get in – you take a frickin shower)

Me: Hey, I’ll valet umbrella for you one by one to the car.

Shou: You’ll get crazy wet though (this is the boy child who called me a shit-face just yesterday)

Me: doesn’t matter. You guys have school and dad has work. And I have 45 minutes before work so I can get changed.

Hub (looking at his rain radar app): I think if we wait approximately 146 seconds this rain cloud will ease up.

Me: bullshit, everybody, let’s go. I want to be the rain umbrella warrior queen just ONCE in my life. Let me have it hub.

Approximately 146 seconds later…

Everybody calmly walks to the cars in what can only be called a light fluttering of water droplets falling from the heavens.

Hub is taking Marina and Shou to school and I am taking Ryu in the opposite direction. There are some massive puddles and near lakes of great proportions. So I drive through every single mother fuckin one and we scream because it is so much fun.

I am the rain puddle warrior. I’ll take that.

———————————————————–

Second conversation – just before.

Hub: Has Shou brought his test results home from the last set of prefecture (or possibly country) wide tests?

Me: No, I haven’t seen them and he usually at least shows me and then tells me not to tell you. (they have to get them stamped)

Hub: Marina has hers and they are unbelievable.

(Marina walks into the war zone)

Marina: (holding her arm out behind her so I can’t get her results card) Now mum, before you see them you just have to know that everybody did shit.

No mum, not even joking, it is soooooo much worse than ever before in the history of mankind. Especially math. We shouldn’t even have to do math. Muuuuuum, do you even use the math you learnt?

Me: No, I fuckin hate math. If you can do simple calculations then you don’t need it unless you are doing a job that requires it. I don’t think trimming dogs requires algebra OR calculus.

Marina hands me the card…

Me: 14 fuckin percent!! Is that out of 100? Jesus child. May the satan of math take you into his soul.

Hub: I am a fuckin math genius. I can teach you my child.

Marina: No, you fart too much and your explanations are rubbish.

Me: She’s not wrong.

Hub (I thought he might look hurt): OK, I’ll give you 10 bucks for every one hour you learn math with me.

Marina: now, now!!!! We have an hour before the friday night movie begins.

Me: WTF have you done? Marina. Don’t tell your brothers or we wont have a retirement fund.

Also me: Hey, can I learn algebra again under the same negotiations?…

SDGH&QL

10Brenda Kaneta, Kristin Inoue and 8 others5 comments